Mantan Terindah yang Selalu Bergayut Dalam Ingatan (BILINGUAL)

NOTES: You can find the English version at the end of the Indonesian version.

Sudah lama gak pernah ikutan Lomba Menulis. Kebetulan sekali baca tulisan Mbak @diyanti86 yang bertuliskan Kontes "Mantan Terindah" jadi tergelitik juga untuk berpartisipasi dalam writing challenge KHANZAYUMIDI ini @khanza.aulia dengan Tema "Mantan Terindah" yang disponsori oleh @naufal, @yuyuart, @hamidi103 @alaikaabdullah.

This is my first participation in Writing Competition. Thanks to @diyanti86 for the information about "THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EX" KONTES. Sponsores for this Contest a.o. @naufal, @yuyuart, @hamidi103, @alaikaabdullah.

Yuuuk, ikuti ceritaku:

Here's My Story

Cinta pertama tidak selalu menjadi cinta yang terakhir. Boleh percaya boleh tidak. Tapi ini benar-benar terjadi padaku. Aku jatuh cinta di usia 18 tahun pada seorang pemuda yang tampan, tinggi semampi, berkulit putih, namun orang tuaku tidak menyetujuinya. Kami tetap menjalin hubungan ini hingga menjangkau waktu sekitar delapan tahun. Hubungan manis ini tetap terjalin dan terjaga tanpa sepengetahuan orang tuaku, jelasnya ayahku, karena ibuku sudah tiada. Ibu sambungku yang baik hati dan penyabar tak bisa berbuat apa-apa. Hanya beliau dengan arif menasehatiku agar menyudahi saja hubungan yang tak disetujui oleh ayahku ini.

Cinta memang membutakan mata hati!

Aku sudah mendengar kabar burung bahwa kekasihku ini telah dinikahkan di kampung halamannya dengan saudara sepupunya. Istilah populernya “Kawin Gantung.” Karena cinta yang membara aku tak pernah mau mempercayainya. Apalagi tak pernah terbersit kata-kata putus dari kekasihku. Hubungan kami tetap berjalan dengan harmonis hingga usiaku menapaki angka duapuluh enam tahun.

Di suatu malam setelah lama tak muncul kekasihku datang bersama dengan seorang teman karibnya. Kami pun berkenalan. Dia lebih tampan dari kekasihku. Ini sebuah kenyataan, aku tidak sedang membanding-bandingkan antara sahabatnya dan kekasihku.

Waktu terus berputar dan kedatangan demi kedatangan ini berlanjut hingga berulang kali. Anehnya kekasihku acap meninggalkan kami dengan dalih ada hal penting yang harus diselesaikan. Tinggallah kami berdua.

Ternyata dibalik semua itu tersembunyi suatu maksud yang tak pernah aku duga betapa sebenarnya kekasihku ini ingin menjodohkan aku dengan teman karibnya itu. Aku tak bisa menolak setiap kunjungannya. Betapa tidak. Ia begitu baik. Ramah terhadap seluruh keluarga. Seorang yang soleh pula. Namun antara kami belum ada kata yang mengarah kepada sebuah hubungan istimewa.

Suatu ketika ayahku yang sedang sakit parah memanggilku dan mengemukakan keinginannya agar aku segera menikah sebelum ajal memanggil beliau. Seperti kilatan petir yang menyambar aku sangat terkejut dengan permintaan ayahku ini. Bagaimana mungkin? Dengan siapa? Kekasihku menghilang dan teman baruku ini pun bukan apa-apa bagiku. Apa boleh buat. Hanya dia kawan dekatku saat ini. Aku harus menanyakan kepadanya akan dibawa kemana hubungan kami. Sebuah jawaban yang mengejutkan menerpa dadaku kala itu.

“Terus terang aku sudah jatuh cinta padamu jauh sebelum kau mengenal kekasihmu, kawan karibku…. Perkenalan kita baginya sebagai sebuah hadiah buatku. Diberinya aku kesempatan mendekatimu. Dia tak ingin menyakiti hatimu mengenai pernikahan antara dirinya dengan saudara sepupunya. Dia juga mncintaimu, tapi adat telah memaksanya untuk patuh pada keinginan keluarga besar di kampong halamannya. Dan inilah aku yang mencintaimu sejak lama”

Kami terdiam.

“Tapi aku tidak mencintaimu. Cintaku sudah habis terbawa oleh kekasihku,” kataku dengan lirih.

“Tak mengapa. Aku akan menunggu tumbuhnya cintamu dalam naungan sebuah rumah tangga.”

“Maksudmu?”

“Kalau kau setuju kita akan segera menikah di hapadapan ayahmu yang sedang sakit. Bukankah itu tujuanmu menanyakan tentang hubungan kita?”

Ya, Allah, begitu arifnya pemuda ini. Bagaimana ia mampu membaca sedalamnya ke mana arah pertanyaanku. Allah MahaMengetahui. Allah MahaMengerti keinginan ayahku yang sedang sakit. Didatangkannya seorang Malaikat melalui kawan karib kekasihku ini.

3 Mei 1967

Kami pun menikah tanpa sebuah pesta. Hanya selamatan sebagai syukuran ala kadarnya ditambah sepiring nasi kuning dan seekor ayam panggang buatan ibu sambungku. Alhamdulillah. Pernikahan sah dihadiri oleh keluargaku dan beberapa kawan-kawan kantorku. Entah kenapa setelah pernikahan itu hatiku merasa tenang dan bahagia. Bahagia karena aku telah mampu mengabulkan permintaan ayahku. Bukankah sebuah pernikahan tidak harus disertai dengan cinta di kedua belah pihak? Aku pernah membaca sebaik-baik sebuah pernikahan ketika seorang suami cintanya jauh melebihi cinta seorang isteri. Mengenai aku? Walau aku tak mencintainya, aku sangat menghargai kesediaannya menjadi pendampingku dan menjadi Imam untuk keluargaku kelak. Semoga cinta akan datang seiring berjalannya waktu. In Shaa Allah.

Pebruari 1969

Dengan kelahiran seorang bayi laki—laki pada tanggal 27 Pebruari 1969 hatiku mulai dihangati oleh rasa sayang yang tak bisa kubendung untuk MANTAN KEKASIHKU yang telah memberikan benih cintanya untukku. Allah MahaMengatur.
Maret 1970, Agustus 1974 dan September 1975 saling berkejaran buah hasil cintanya aku lahirkan. Aku semakin sayang. Mohon kepada Allah untuk memerciki hatiku dengan cinta untuknya karena aku sangat yakin dan percaya Allah MahaPemberi rasa indah untuk umatNya.

Keempat anakku tumbuh sehat dan menjadi dewasa dengan kepercayaan diri yang kuat. Kami berhasl melepas mereka satu per satu dalam sebuah pernikahan yang berlandaskan saling mencintai. Tidak seperti aku dan ayahnya. Namun, betapapun cinta itu akhirnya muncul juga ke permukaan hatiku. Alhamdulillah.

Juli Tahun 2002

Sebuah tragedi kecelakan mobil telah merenggut nyawa Mantan Kekasihku yang telah berhasil memenuhi hidupku dengan cintanya.

Selama pernikahan kami hampir menjelang apa yang disebut KAWIN PERAK tak sekali juga aku pernah membuka dompetnya. Kami, begitu pun anak-anakku selalu berpegang teguh pada prinsip harus saling menjaga privacy masing-masing. Tak pernah membuka dompet yang bukan milik sendiri, begitu juga dengan telpon genggam. Prrinsip itu kami tegakkan dengan serious dalam keluarga kecil kami.

“Ibu, ini semua barang-barang almarhum,” suara seorang perawat menyentuh telingaku. Aku berpaling dari memandangi wajah Mantan Kekasihku yang seperti tertidur lelap di atas rangjang rumah sakit. Aku terima sebuah bungkusan. Di dalamnya ada 3 potong pakaian, celana panjang, kemeja, kaos oblong yang penuh dengan bercak-bercak darah serta sebuah dompet. Dompet suamiku. Perlahan aku buka. Baru kali itulah aku membukanya. Hati ini bergetar ketika aku mendapati di dalamnya terpasang sebuah foto. Wajahku yang sedang tersenyum. Memang dia menyukai senyumku, hehe... Walaupun wajahku tidak cantik, menurutnya kalau tersenyum manis juga. Dan dibalik foto itu tertulis: “Wajah yang paling aku cinta!”

Ya, Allah, ampuni aku. Mengapa aku tidak bisa mencintainya sejak awal. Begitu besar cintanya untukku. Dan dia meninggalkan aku ketika aku sudah mulai mencintainya, bukan hanya menyayanginya. Sepenuh jiwa dan ragaku.
Semoga Kau mengampuni dosa-dosanya baik yang sengaja atau tak sengaja dilakukan serta mempertemukannya dengan buah cinta pertama kami yang telah menyusulnya pada tanggal 8 Maret 2014 dalam usia 45 tahun. Aamiin.

Now I am alone but not lonely. Cucu-cucuku telah memperindah kehidupan ini. Aamiin, ya Robbal Aalamiin.

Almarhum suamiku akan tetap menjadi MANTAN TERINDAHKU till the end of the day. Aamiin.

ENGLISH VERSION

The Most Beautiful and Memorable - Ex

The first love will not always be the last love for anybody. Believe it or not. This poor thing happened to me though. I was falling in love with a handsome young guy when I was 18 years of age. This relationship was against my father’s approval. Even though we kept it very romanticly without his knowing. The more he disagreed about this relationship the stronger it became. My mother passed away long time ago. What I had at time was my step-mother who was giving me her advice very gentle – I’d would rather end this relationship for the sake of my father’s request.

The Love is really blind

I heard about the rumour that my beloved young guy had been forced to marry his cousin in his own home town. It’s what they usually called as “Married without staying in one roof” I was very stubborned ignoring any information about the reality what had happened to him in his home town. Why? Because I was so sure he was still in love with me. He never said either any bad word or said something about breaking up the relationship between us. Our relationship still gone very stonger and stronger until I went through the age of 26..

One evening, after he left me without any notice for a long time, he appeared in front of me brought his very best friend along with him. He introduced him to me. Oh my God he was more handsome than my beloved friend. From time to time my beloved friend visited me as usual, his best friend almost always came along with him. And then according to my opinion there was something strange occurred in here. He (my beloved young guy) always and always let us be on our own with his strong reason that he had to be away for an urgent thing to be settled. So what could I say to him.

Well, I’ve found out later on that he did it on purpose. He’d given a chance to his best friend to get along further with me. He wanted us to match up closely to become a couple. How could I refuse his routine visiting me. (Don’t blame me, readers!...lol..). He was so kind, very handsome and polite to me or to my family. But for sure there’s nothing happen between us. He’s just a friend.

One day my father who was in a bad health condition asked me to come to him. He was expressing something very clear that he expected me to get married before he died. I was shocked by his requirement – the very sudden request as if the bright lightening strucked my face. How could I fulfill his requirement while at that time I didn’t have any fiancé. My beloved one left me without any notice. He’s gone like the wind blew the sand on the beach. My new friend? He’s just a friend to me. Well, what ever will be will be. I have to try my best whatever it was and be confident. At the present moment it’s only him being my close friend. I have to ask him before it’s too late. Of course I have to ask him about our relationship, where our relationship would be brought forwards to. The unpredictable response of him seems to shock me -- but this was the answer I was expecting too...lol

“If I might say very honestly, I had been in love with you long time ago before you met your boy-friend. Our acquaintanceship was like his precious gift for me. He gave me a chance to know you, to spend time with you. He didn’t want to hurt your feeling in relevant to his being married to his cousin. The existing custom of his home town had to be obeyed. He loved you more than I did love you.

We both kept silent…

“But I don’t have any love left in my heart for you. All gone along with him” I said almost with no sound.

“It’s okay. I will wait until you love me no matter how long I have to wait in a same house with you as my princess”.

“What did you mean?”

“Well, if you so agree we can arrange our marriage as soon as possible in front of your sick beloved dad. Is it that what you want by asking me about our relationship?”

Oo, My Dear God, this young man was something. How could he read my mind about my wish?

3 May, 1967

We’re married without a big party. A simple and small party attended by my family and some colleagues from my office was held. My step-mother prepared a plate of yellow rice and chicken barbeque. Alhamdulillah, Marriage done.

After my marriage I didn’t know why I felt so happy. For sure, I was happy because I was able to fulfil my father’s requirement. I was so sure too that a marriage didn’t have to be that couple had to be in love each other at the beginning. Once I read about the opinion of someone that the best way for a marriage was that if the husband had so much love to his wife but didn’t have to be another way around. What about me? I didn’t love my husband but I did marry him. I was proud of him and appreciated his availability to be the leader of my home for my children to be in the future. In Shaa Allah.

February 1969

I began to feel something warm in my heart because of the given birth to a baby boy in February 27, 1969. I was so sure that feeling of love was beginning to touch my heart. I was beginning to love my ex-fiance – the one that had given me his full of love for me. My Gratitute to Allah.

March 1970, August 1974 and Septemberr 1975 seem to be running one after another showing his love through my giving birth to our children. My love for him was gradually improved. I beg to Allah to bless my heart full of love for him. I was so sure that The Creator is the one and only who could share the beautiful feeling to His Creation.

Thanks God, my children had grown into adults with a very good condition of health – full of confident. We were successful in letting them found their own life full of love and happiness. They had been married with their own choice based on their full love each other. Not like their parents (I and my Beatiful and Memorable Fiance-Ex).

July, 2002

A tragedy of car accident had claimed the life of my Ex-Beloved Fiance, who had managed to live my life with his love.

We’re almost getting to a ceremonial of “Silver Marriage” when Allah took him away from our family. During our period of marriage so many years I’ve had never open his wallet. Neither us nor the children always stick to the principal rule in the family that we all had to be aware of our own privacy. No opened any wallet or handphones without prior permission – we always stick to it.

“Mom, these all belongings to The Late,” suddenly the voice of one of the nurse touched my ear. I turned away from keep looking at the face of my ex-beloved fiancé whom looked so peaceful slept on the small hospital bed.

I received a package with blood stains spread all over the package. I opened the package very slowly. I found a wallet. That’s my husband’s wallet. Again, very slowly I open the wallet. This heart seems to beat like a drum. A photo in front of the wallet cover. That’s my photo. With a trembling hands I turned over the photo and saw some words written on it: “The face I love the most”

Oh, my God, forgive me. I should have loved him more than he did to me. Now he’d gone at the time I’ve loved him so much. With all my heart and soul.

I do hope You forgive him for what he’d done in his life and you give Your Creation a chance to meet with his son who’d followed him on March 8, 2014 simultaneously.

Now I am alone but not lonely. My grandsons add the beauty to my life. Aamiin, Ya, Robbal Aalamiin. My husband, the Late, will become my the most beautiful and memorable fiancé-Ex till the end of my day. Aamiin.