Radically Honest Update, Raw & Unrefined Stream of Consciousness, This is Me Today :)
I could think of so many ways in which I could start writing this post, but none of them can truly honour the depth and the beauty of what wants to come through me...
So I will simply bow to this voluptuous stream of consciousness, that had been slow-cooking for a while underneath my surface level of cognition, awaiting a spark of ignition to fully come into being...
And by the way, the last Full Moon was f*cking intense, wasn't it? Whooa... I've been on a super release mode, deep in the inner process and now emerging with this post as a gift...
This post is an offering to PRESENCE, to TRUTH, to AUTHENTICITY.
It is an acknowledgement and review of my state of being, after A LOT of new ENERGY INFLUX that has been washing over me recently...
I'm sure you can relate to that moment of being bombarded with so many great things from all directions and you feel a bit destabilized and overwhelmed with the joy and exuberance of it all... And maybe struggling around how to manage and adjust and integrate it all?
So I am just going to go full-on, completely raw, totally uninhibited, fully undressing myself of the layers of "shoulds" or "coulds"...
I wish to paint a picture, with humble words, of my inner landscape as it is RIGHT NOW, as an answer to what is arguably one of the most significant questions one could ask oneself: "What is true for me now?"
Whoooaaa...
I guess I'd been absent for a little while on Steemit, contrary to my neatly structured goal-attaining mindset I'd been recalibrating myself to recently... And I was giving myself a hard time about it, pressurizing myself to write all those incredible articles I'd set out to write, lagging behind with my own agenda, getting frustrated and kinda losing touch with the very sense of... WHY AM I WRITING IN THE FIRST PLACE?
What makes me come alive? What excites my spirit? What is burning in my heart right now?
What is that deeper force that moves me, that fascinates my mind with endless possibilities, that fuels every act of my daily existence?
See, I'm a Virgo Sun with Pisces Moon. I'm a thinker and a feeler, an intellectual and an artist.
Since I started delving into the work of Roberto Assagioli and his holistic approach to the human psyche called Psychosynthesis, I have been bombarded with increasing awareness of my dualistic inner nature.
So there is this strong, rational, structured, hard-working, achiever subpersonality that sharply contrasts with my other subpersonality who is the loose, flexible, indulgent, inspired, sensitive, emotional, gentle, nurturing dreamer...
The more awareness I shed onto these two parts of myself, the more I realize that they both have their strengths and weaknesses, potential and limitations, and that I'm in charge of them - they are not in charge of me!
Sometimes the inner critic takes over and relentlessly gives judgments on the validity of my efforts, saying that they are not enough, that I can do so much more, but then the question is: When is enough going to be enough? Will it ever...?
So then a deeper truth wants to emerge and whisper, ever so softly but utterly convincingly:
You're not in control. You never were... You are in service of a greater movement that you are part of, you are a pawn in the chess of life, to be moved by a higher intelligence that you are intrinsically part of... So remember, once, again, to surrender...
Surrender to the flow, of your inner glow, so that you can grow, before you know...
When I trust the inner flow, no matter how high or low, wave upon wave of emotion, it's just energy in motion, surfing gives me now the thrill, for I know it's just the wheel, of life's longing for creation, of itself, perpetual flirtation, every moment, new sensation, under the spell of separation...
(uhhh... that was a little stream of consciousness flow two years ago which I joyfully revived)
So yeah, basically... Why am I writing all of this?
I am writing because, in a way, it feels like I'm catching up with myself?!
There's been just so much happening, recently, that I really needed to step back and kinda detach from it all, so as to see the bigger picture and how all these little puzzle pieces are coming together...
I've been meaning to write a good number of articles, each delving deeper into all these exciting things that are going on in my life, but then I got myself in the way, and I had to deal with these little monsters in my head and make peace with them, before I could actually bring myself to write again... does that sound familiar?!
And actually, what I'm learning these days, is the art of consciously holding back and resisting the impulse to just dash forward, blasting my energy around, without truly refining, letting it mature and ripen in its own way...
I can get hyper-excited about things and want to share all these wonderful learnings and insights and inspirations I get on a daily basis, but I realize that by consciously cultivating the energy behind them, something deeper and more meaningful can emerge...
So yeah, just a quick catch-up...
I want to let everyone know here on Steemit that I am so grateful to have this platform for expressing who I truly am, uncensored and uninhibited, as wildly and freely as my rather modest English vocabulary permits (English is my second language, by the way...)
And I would somehow want to update my Steemit blog with all the incredible influx of resources, inspirations, knowledge and awareness that are growing in me...
But I know I cannot truly give them all justice.. and this post is not meant to go into full details on my Psychosynthesis course, meditation challenge, upcoming mind-body-spirit retreat in Austria, meditation retreat coming up in two days' time (!!!), my upcoming poetry open mic in London, my exciting plans for the summer of reuniting with my Aussie love and travelling in Australia and Europe, and so many other things that escape my awareness right now...
So, yeah, there's just a lot happening. Life is challenging me to up my game and increase my capacity to hold multiple avenues for growth and expansion, connection and community, deepening self-awareness on so many levels... Wooa..!! And I'm simply sharing this as a way of catching up with myself and offering myself authentically here, on Steemit...
That's it, folks.
This feels like it's coming to an end. Thanks for having the patience to read through this, it was a very liberating experience for me to write, and I hope you get something out of it, whatever it is for you. (and I'd be very happy if you could share that in the comments below so that I know what is alive in you right now as well!)
So... why do we write?
Why are we here on Steemit? What is the deeper meaning that wants to take shape through our active involvement on this platform?
These are some questions worth bearing in mind, as we go on about our daily posts...
I wish I could write every day a post here, my dear Steemians. I wish I could show up and put myself out there more regularly, but some days I just have to step back and fully immerse myself in my own process, garnering the gifts of these inner explorations, so I can then come out and share them widely with the world... Spiralling in and out, in and out...
For just a brief moment, sometimes, I look around and see how other people manage to write a post every day, even two. But I have to remind myself that I am not here for quantity, but for quality.
That I made a commitment to only post radically honest, high-quality, deep and meaningful words that are fresh out of the oven of my soul... As inspirations, as refreshers, as reminders, as flickering lights from above, longing to be fully digested, fully embodied in the very flesh and bone of my, yours, our daily existence...
So, yeah. That's it. That's me, where I'm at right now.
Exhaling... Mmmm.. That felt so good.
So, how are you today? 😃
If you liked my post, make sure to upvote, comment and resteem! I'm still new on Steemit, so any support is greatly appreciated.
If you like my vibe, I'm writing a series called Diary Of A Free Spirit, a brutally honest, behind-the-scenes account of the journey that led to who I am today, living my passion and purpose :)
Diary Of A Free Spirit Ep. 1 - Introduction
Diary Of A Free Spirit Ep. 2 - The Inner Voice
Diary Of A Free Spirit Ep. 3 - The Day That Changed My life
Be You, Be Wild, Be Free!
Bristena,
#DiaryOfAFreeSpirit
I'm part of the @ecotrain community. Check out our weekly magazine and discover incredible inspiration, life stories and tips for sustainable living!
Even though I upvoted days ago, now it's the time for my comment since I wanted to have time and read carefully ;)
Of course, I'll keep it saved to re-read it and maybe talk about it soon in person ;)
I felt like it was me writing all this -seriously :D
And it made me think, a lot of stuff, and most of all our purpose on this platform... hmmm - a lot to talk about in London!!! <3
Oh...and you look simply beautiful !!!! :* :* :* :* Hugs!
thank you.. ohh, yes a lot to talk about!! looking forward to the big day hehe!! thanks for taking the time to properly read through it, and it means a lot to me that you resonate! big hugs, and bigger in person too! :::*
i love it! I find a steemit post can be anything and sometimes the most fun ones to write are the spur-of-the-moment ones :) I so appreciate this. I am a virgo sun with a capricorn moon and Ini is a pisces sun virgo moon so it is a funny combination that we have in this relationship and i can kind of get a feel for what perhaps may go on inside of you with those aspects LOL ! balancing that wateriness with the direct pure energy of the virgo! hehe Thanks for sharing your process and libration <3
yay thanks so much for reading and relating! means a lot to me.. and no wonder I felt a strong resonance with you guys, looks like we have a lot in common! And I'm Capricorn rising by the way... hahaha.. much love to you both <3
Such a nice, honest post from the heart. I loved to read this. I'm a bit high sensitive and I always think a lot, my mood shift between extreme peaks and valleys. Thanks for sharing this, I'm on Steemit to meet like minded, to share my photos and some of my knowledge. <3
aww thank you sweetheart, your comments are always well received in my heart, I totally hear you on the mood swings, you gotta learn to surf the waves of emotion, energy in motion :) my pleasure to share, and happy that you could connect with it.. these precious little moments of connection on comments make my heart smile every time :)
Thanks for your encouragement! It’s always nice to read/hear others point of view on things or how to look at life💜
Did you say 'no quantity'? This was a quite long read i must say :-). But quality high too so well done.
I would replace 'the art of consciously holding back' by 'the art of being conscious'. Let go, don't hold back.
Much love
haha, this is not much quantity for me... I'm quite a prolific writer :) but thanks for the appreciation..means a lot to me! that's a fair point indeed, the art of being conscious. thanks for passing by! much love back x
"I am writing because, in a way, it feels like I'm catching up with myself?!"
This is why people were writing in journals so much before social media came along... people had a huge need to share, to express themselves, but they didnt have the avenue yet, so they simply wrote!
Cheers
yes, indeed, I have been writing diaries myself for a very long time, I would even go as far as to say that I wouldn't have been able to survive (emotionally) so far if it hadn't been for the cathartic effects of journaling!
do you keep a diary yourself? apart from online blogging.. a diary just for you and yourself? :)
just curious..
big smile :)
Nope... I did when I was a kid.
we are all on our own paths in life, which brings so much diversity in life and indeed here to steemit. Writing provides in so many different ways, to inspire, to spread awareness in so many aspects of living, to educate, to entertain and to allow expression of ones self. You have found your way and you do it very well. thanks for sharing x
I am always amazed at how you manage to express such deep truths with so much ease, clarity and simplicity. I am finding my way... better said :) or is it finding me? is there any difference between me and it..? hahaha xx
You´re quite the creator.
If there is one advice I feel I am entitled to give, it is to not limit yourself by anything, not even your own expectations of quality, of what should be. Just vomit it all out, maybe on paper or a word document first, and maybe revisit later and then you can refine it, in order to pass your quality control. Occasionally you will find a rough diamond in the vomit, wich you then can polish to your liking, but without vomiting, this diamond would not exist in the first place.
And now for something completely different! 😘
If you tag a post ecotrain, please use it as your first tag, in order to improve visibility and exposure of the ecotrain, as adviced by Alex some time ago on slack.
thanks, that is great advice indeed! I totally get it, and I see it happening in practice.. and oh, my bad! I normally tag my ecotrain posts with the ecotrain tag first, don't know why it didn't come up like this on here..hmm..