This Years Transformation "When I finally got tired of my own bullshit"
Time passes surprisingly fast that I can´t imagine its been over two months since my last post. Well, my excuse is, I have been dann´busy working and schooling that I`ve lost my sense of timing. Early mornings of work and late nights of studies, I ain´t complaining though, I love my life. :) Today I read this saying by Elizabeth Gilbert "I´ve never seen any life transformation that didn´t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit" It reminded me of the place I was in the beginning of this year. I remembered when it was starting, I had this huge yearning for change. I never knew exactly what I wanted to change in my life, only the fact that I needed major changes.I have experienced so many changes since that thought popped in my mind. The best part about all the changes I went through, they weren´t easy, they were actually painful so to say. I loved, I lost love, I was hurt, I did hurt and God didn't they all take a piece of me. I have learnt so much about myself that I will not deny that somethings I did, I wish had never done, while some I wish I could reply a million times in my head, but I will not change any part even given a second chance to go back in time. All these experiences make who I am today, and they shape every detail about me. I have learnt to love myself even more than I did, loving myself without the love of others, I have learnt to be alone, without feeling lonely, I have learnt to admire my beauty without finding fault. I have learnt to forgive even before getting an apology. I realised I cannot control anyone's behavior nor do I want that burden BUT I will not apologise for refusing to be disrespected, lied to or any other misconduct. I have my standards and if anyone ain´t ready to step up then they may as well step out. I have come to accept that shit do happen. What´s done is done. Sometimes we face difficulties not because we are doing something wrong but because we are doing everything right. I have come to realize we don't let somethings happen right at the moment because we think the time isn't perfect for us. Some we don´t allow them to happen because they do not align with who we are, our values, principles and goals in life. At the end of the day all these things are happening in perfect order. We never meet people by accident nor things happen by accident. Everything is meant to be at the right time as a blessing or a lesson. Whether an event in my life is meant to be a lesson, I see it as a blessing since I learnt something from it (I consider knowledge as a blessing :). I stopped worrying of what maybe. Everyday I forgive myself of my past and make peace with it. I look forward with lotsa excitement and ready to make many new mistakes and learn from them. Slowly learning to embrace the uncertainty. I have stopped taking everything so goddam personal, I forgive easily and let go of anything that isn´t good for me. By letting go doesn't mean to forget or drive myself crazy to ignore, it isnt about winning or losing, neither about ego, pride nor dwelling on the past. It is about cherishing the memories, overcoming and moving on. It´s having an open mind and confidence in the future. It is accepting changes, learning and growing. The person that I am now and the person that started this year are two totally different individuals. I have experienced, I have changed and I have grown. I am so proud of myself and confident of who I am. I trust my timing and believe everything is working for my good. I am happy. I do not need to make anything happen. I believe everything is right on schedule and I´m exactly in the right place at the right time. Everything I have lived has contributed to this.