Hi, I'm Beth, this is my journey

Hi, I’m Beth, and I don’t write, I talk. I like to talk a lot. Too much, sometimes.

My friend is a writer, maybe you’ve heard of him? @raymondspeaks? I’m always saying I’d love to write my life down. He also said I should tag @arbitrarykitten, @shawnamawna and @cali-girl in this post, so there we are!

So here I am, starting to put pen to paper (eek, I’m scared). I have always found an excuse for not writing, I can’t spell, I am dyslexic, I write everything back to front etc. I’m, 46 years old, and I’m going to write from my memory and about my experiences, trying to not muddle up too much. I have a lot to muddle through

I am going to be honest here, my whole life I have had to keep secrets and have been forbidden to talk about my childhood else I was threatened, or manipulated. I can’t remember a great deal as it’s more like the adults in my life telling me what I was like. This was mostly in front of others to ridicule me, and for the other adults to laugh. Sometimes I would feel like a performing monkey, but I’m putting up with it no more. They all played their part, and that’s ok as it’s only made me stronger and more determined not to turn out like them. I am an amazing person.

I have tried therapy a couple of times. The first time I was told if I did not stop asking questions about my past, then my family would disown me. I was bullied and manipulated into not taking any more sessions. I told my therapist I would not be back as I loved my family and was afraid of losing them. I accepted what I had been told. I was an attention seeker and just too hard to love, so I pulled my big girl pants up and put the past behind me, telling myself that the past did not matter anyway. I could not change it, and could not really remember much as it was all muddled up in my thoughts. It’s a bit of a jumble up there, which I plan to untangle through writing, hopefully.

I worked hard to build a better life and I tried to stop asking the questions that kept popping into my head. Those questions are still here rattling about. I tried therapy again, by then my family had already disowned me and it did not matter anymore, what did I have to lose? A lot of money on bottles of gin apparently as I just could not face the past I so longed for answers on. Why did I hate me? Why did I always feel I have never fitted in? Why was I always the people pleaser? Why was I always scared to speak my own opinions? Well it’s time to find out without a bottle of Gin this time. I hope all of you can stay with me for the ride.

Tackling my issues one step at a time.

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Hey @bethsjourney, welcome to steemit! I'll follow you becouse I'd like to hear more of your stories! please follow me back @nenakrizman :-)

Hey @nenakrizman im privileged. I look forward to following you and reading your posts :-)

Hello Bethsjourney! Nice to see more people like you - here joining steemit !! Becoming a steamian is a great adventure ! Here you can win money while bloging! At the beginning it wouldn't be easy, but it isn't impossible. So just write from your heart and everything will be allright. Wish you much luck! Cheers! Wish you much luck! Greetings, @khunpoom!

So kind of you khunpoom, i will follow you and hopefully pick up some tips. I really just want to learn how to express myself , and figure my own thoughts out. Thank you

This decisiin you taken to control your life is the best ever. There are a ton of people in the situation as you were and still do nothing about it. I truely admire your courage and i know people like you always find a way out. Thanks for sharing this lovely piece with us.

Such kind and encouraging words, I thanks you. And look forward to reading your stories..

I followed you for a superficial reason.

I am about your age, and I am exploring my voice as well.

So best wishes in this experiment you are doing!!!!

I look forward to reading your posts and seeing how we both grow. I am very scared of the thoughts inside my head, but also very excited. I am going to learn after all these years, and stop being scared of what everyone else thinks. what it really comes down to is what i think of me.. And thank you..

Thanks for the reply!

Truth be told, most of my posts are going to be geared towards my hobbies with a few geared towards personal musings.

I guess what I want right now is to find the right balance between being myself, respecting social norms, and knowing when to draw a line when someone is pushing me beyond the boundaries of my values.

If I could find a simple phrase for it, it would be, "Choose your battles." ;-)

Best wishes on your journey.

Hey how are you and thanks for replying. I am intrigued now and look forward to reading your post's. I have just posted my fist blog/ story. Wow it was hard the tears where blinding me. Was the best counseling session I have had. Wish you all the success with your posts. :-)

Welcome to Steemit @bethsjourney!
I'm a bot-helper, and I'm created to help. Congratulations on the registration on Steem - you really like it here! If you like me, make an upvote of my comment and follow me. Your upvote will allow you to give more money to new users, such as you. Let's make Steem better together!
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Steem on!

Thanks for your support I will follow you also.

Welcome to steemit community...

What a wonderfully written intro you got here.
Do read the below recipes to have a successful steemit experience.

RECIPES FOR SUCCESS

  • Be yourself, originality matters a lot. Write and submit quality content at least three times weekly.

  • You can get into arguments but without being disrespectful to people to avoid down votes

  • upvote and follow posts that interest you...as well as people who upvote and follow you. Reciprocity matters.

  • spend sometime to comment on other people's posts daily.

  • Give quality feedback to peoples comments.

Observe this rules and success will follow you. Wishing you best of luck in your steemit activities.

I'm @eurogee

I appreciate your advice,and will take it on board. thank you so much for your kind comment and advice.

glad to see you Bethsjourney I hope you enjoy your time here, its a great community !! Nice post, i will follow your account, please follow me at @mekong

thank you mekong, i surly will

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Thank you so much, i have wrote more in the last day than i ever have. It is all very mixed up, but im determined to sort it out and piece it all together. I am very grateful for your's and everyone else's encouragement.

thank you, and im very grateful to be here.