i want to die

A low point to feel this bad.
But you are not alone.
Think of it as a coming of age.
If you feel this way it is because you care, we can call it having a heart or a soul. I would simply say you have a mind and a heart and it is painful to be a conscious being in this world.

"You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I'm offering is the truth."

This is where we have a choice, we either find some way to numb the pain, and distract our minds, or we continue to struggle to find truth. Chances are that if you are here, you already are on that path, and so I sincerely ask you to not give up, don't give up on your life, and PLEASE don't become a mindless, heartless zombie.

We live in the age of propaganda: So much of what we see, read, and hear are lies. Many of these are intentional, designed for a purpose- much of the time to buy a product, or to choose a side and be a puppet in a bigger play that we are purposely veiled from. We also face a myriad of well intentioned lies. Lies that at one time were truths in context, but now are not relevant or the context has been misplaced.

We are in a mental health crisis, this is not by chance. Mental health funding is minuscule in one respect, however look at it another way and you will see that in America alone there is over $50 per person every single day getting spent on Marketing. This is like Anti-mental health:
Research on how to get people to buy products they don't need.
Research on how to make people feel inadequate, and not good enough so they have to buy products to feel better about themselves.
Ads and billboards that play in our heads when we close our eyes, we are being brainwashed to be good consumers.
We are also being brainwashed to attack each other for little differences instead of admiring one-another's unique qualities and learning to love them. Better to fight with our neighbors than to work together and find the ones pulling the strings.
In our society people that lie, cheat, and steal are rewarded, plain and simple. That is part of business, in fact it is a business all on it's own.
We must all challenge our belief systems, and perhaps unlearn some of the lies we have learned as truths:
-Money is not the root of all evil- it is just a tool, and like all tools they can be used for good or evil.
-Good things do not come to those who wait- do not wait for something good to happen, you must go make it happen.
-Hard work does not even always pay off- hard work is a virtue, but plenty of people get much more working much less. Although hard work is it's own reward.

For now we must work on ourselves.
“If I change, the whole world changes.”
　Zen master “Kouno Taistu”

So how do we change, how did Mahatama Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jesus, and John Lennon find a truth beyond the world around them? They found it within. We all have the same power.

We all must silence the chatter, and find our own truth.
We are all connected to a deeper truth, our true nature. There are many mysteries in life, throughout history when people didn't understand something they would call it magic, many times thinking it was the work of "the devil". That was easier to believe than to challenge their own belief systems. Wise women were put to death for being "witches" because they had wisdom that people didn't understand.
We all have access to this wisdom, it is down beneath the chatter and dialog in our heads. I don't know if it comes from our very dna, or some spiritual dimension that connects us all that we cannot see. Too many people I believe get caught up in that part of it and lose the actual lesson itself. However we get there, whatever way we find it, we all have it within us. Clear away all the chatter that society inundates us with and find the deeper truths that are so simple yet so profound.
It starts with sitting in a quiet place, and breathing. We can call it meditating, we can call it prayer, although prayer in this way is listening instead of speaking. The quiet place can be in a room full of people if we need it too be, because with our intention and our breath we can find peace and quiet, and we can find it running or doing yoga, finding a quiet rhythmic breathing and allowing truth and wisdom to speak to us.
Thanks for reading, be strong, and be blessed.