An Introduction, a pile of stupid bullshit and lots of masturbation

And I go through this boring ritual again. Introduce myself. I have never liked to introduce myself, it has always seemed to me like a small hypocrisy that forces you to lie or be ashamed. Also, if I say "Hi, I'm jcalero, I was born in this part, I'm this old and I do that stuff" I would be saying things that do not represent or define me, I would simply be transmitting data that is not relevant to you.

Nor does anyone say it when the really important thing is presented, because if they say it, they will be frowned upon. So, before I tell you personal information that does not concern you and I do not want to mention, I would prefer you knew me by my writings and not by what I tell you that I am or do.

But I'm going around the bush. You see, the first time I showed up on this platform was in Spanish for the Spanish speaking community, a wide but arid fishing ground of scarce and difficult to catch prey. Many users, true, but a very poor ecosystem (yes, poor, poor like rats or worse). But the time to unfold the sails has come, the time to look for new horizons, fertile seas where to shout my nonsense and nail the flag (figuratively, if I put a flag in the sea, it would irremediably sink). It's time to get out of the comfort of my native language and try new things!

But it is not bad that I do a little summary, I started in Steemit on December 20th last year, days before Christmas, when alcohol and food flows, a time when binges and hangovers occur with painful frequency. Or so it was. Maybe I'll talk about that later.

Anyway, Steemit was the Christmas gift that Santa had denied me for so many years, with good reason. I found a utopian place to write, to be read and to receive rewards for what used to be a solitary vice, writing (you thought about masturbation, right?). Santa knows I've been a bad boy, that's why he never brought me gifts. He should know that I step on the cats' tail, that I steal sweets from the children and that I "sometimes" masturbate.

 
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But I digress. This is supposed to be a presentation, I have not said anything very important and I already made a fool of myself by saying that I masturbate with shameful frequency. The important thing is that I am irrelevant. That I masturbate is NOT important. You're not even interested in knowing exactly who I am, nor am I going to continue humiliating myself publicly by putting a picture, knowing that I'm such a decidedly ugly guy (that's why I masturbate). I am so ugly that when I was born my mother was told to wait 12 hours before breastfeeding, just in case I barked.

But it is important to tell you what you can expect from my material. I am an amateur storyteller, self-proclaimed humorist, stupid shit speaker, half-time provocateur, and full-time idler. Why lie to you? Better to make it clear from the beginning, don’t you think so? Why try to cheat you if you will notice in a couple of entries that I am a disaster? Hopefully, in the future I will not mention the topic of masturbation again.

Now, if you're curious about what it says in my bio, I'll save you the trip to Google translator. It says "Subjects of interest, narrative,"humor", cynicism, unpopular opinion. I will not tell you what you want to hear." Look carefully at the quotation marks in the word humor, those little things that look like flies floating on the word are important, do not ignore them, they are usually used for textual quotations but also to ironize. Irony, sarcasm ... Do you understand? Do I draw it for you?

Anyway, this will be the first publication of many (I hope) in English, I will publish my own stories, "humor", opinion and perhaps some other "educational" article (you see? Again I use quotation marks, which means that I am ironizing) that I hope you like. And I pray Santa that my translations are better than those that come in Chinese products. By the way, if my blog posts seem written in engrish, tell me and prevent me from the embarrassment of looking like bad imitation toothpaste.

Finally (if you got here I congratulate you), thanks for reading, I hope that my presentation to the Anglo-Saxon public has pleased you and aroused your curiosity (I will not answer questions about masturbation despite being an expert) enough to read and comment on my publications.