I was raped on my wedding night.

in #introduceyourself8 years ago (edited)

Domestic violence

This is not a proper introduction, but an introduction to an extremely personal experience which molded and built me into the person that I am today.

I like to believe that majority of marriages in India are not like this. I am not saying this happens for every marriage. But, if you are getting into marriage, you should always know that there is always a possibility like this out there, which you cannot ignore and which no one would tell you.

I come from a typical middle class family, based out of a very small town in Kerela (South India). After I turned 21, everyone around me started worrying that I should get married. Every relative that I met, advised me to get married as soon as possible otherwise I would bring shame to my family and never get married. Some even suspected that I would run off with someone( they said these in front of me!). So, I needed to be married and married to someone who was not my boyfriend.

Now, there’s a custom in South India which says that if a family doesn’t have a lot of money for dowry — girls are married to their cousins/mother’s brother(Uncle) if the age gap is not much. Say, the mother was eldest daughter and her brother was the youngest with more than 20 years of age gap. So, this way the girl remains in the same family and there is no exchange of dowry.

Similar to this, my wedding was fixed a month after my graduation, to my Uncle(mother’s brother) who was 3 years older than me. My case was sophisticated because I had a boyfriend already, and my family despised me when I told them about him(we had same religion and caste but he was from North India, which was a heinous crime in my parent’s eyes). I tried to protest, but using the usual emotional blackmail method, my father forced me into the marriage( he was very ill at that time) and the burden was on me to “fulfill his last wishes”. Interestingly, he is very much fine now, and I am inclined to believe that he’ll lie down again when it’s my younger sister’s time to get married. Emotional blackmails by parents for imposing marriage on their children is very common in India.

I was forced to break off all contacts with my existing boyfriend (mobile, internet taken away, locked in my room. I don’t think I could even have sent a letter if I wanted to, my plight was that appalling) and forced to dive head-first into wedding arrangements.

Most awaited day of a girls life, wedding came, and after a really embarrassing lecture from my mother, about my “marital duties”, keeping “families honor”, I got ready to be married to my Uncle. I didn’t even know whether to think of him as my husband or my Uncle. None of my friends were allowed to enter my wedding ‘cause my parents believed they would wipe me away from the wedding. I cried myself to sleep hoping that a new day would bring a fresh start.

I was waiting in my bridal bed for my husband to come and when he entered, everything was quiet, he exchanged some awkward small talk about whole day being tiresome. I told him “I’m feeling very tired, I will change my clothes and sleep”, but I was not prepared by what happened next. He suddenly kissed me, and started grabbing me, I was taken aback, but I just pulled away slowly, and told him that I was not in the mood, and restated that I was fatigued. He ignored me completely, and kissed again, started pulling my clothes, this time with more force, and when I tried to push him away, he slapped me, he called me immoral and a used piece of flesh(he dehumanized me because I had a boyfriend).

This was followed by the most horrible experience of my life, the details of which still shake me to this day.

I had nobody to turn to — he was my mother’s brother, and my father was very sick. To think of it now, I don’t think anyone would have helped me, even if the circumstances were different.

I stayed in this abusive marriage for a few months, which was the darkest period of my life. My day started like a human and ended like a flesh. Thankfully, I was not foolish, irrespective of how much my family pressured me, I never left the job, unlike a lot of women suffering out there. I ran away, before it was too late. As of now, no one know where I am and what happened. I am sure they must be saying obscene things about me and my ex-boyfriend. But, this is one decision that I made after careful deliberation and will not let myself regret it. I am considerably happy now, I have refrained myself from dating because of my PTSD, and I have no intention of marrying again. I am happy and proud.

I am happy to have moved on, I have a job and I currently volunteer at Maitri(non-profit organization for women empowerment) to extend my support for all those women who are in the same situation as I was. One experience is enough to scar you for life.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers :)
Jesika(name changed)

[Update 1]
I am overwhelmed by the comments and emotional support I have received from so steemit people here. Also, I want to thank everyone who have upvoted my answer as it will help me reach more girls. The memories are still fresh, and will take time to fade away, but it will.

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The moment I read this story, I related. I too live in India and helped a girl from Delhi who went through the same shit as you. She ran away and is now here in Gangtok where I was able to get her a job. I have the deepest regard for you as I know how things are in some parts of India. Best of luck to you and have a great life, with your pride intact!

When I ran from my house, I needed a lot of help from my friends. Its nice to see you did the same for someone. You never know who is running from what. :)

Exactly! it was after a year she told me the details but I suspected it from the beginning. I also am proud that I took a stand, when the people she ran away from came looking. It was for a reason I can fight for and did not hesitate. Around here we don't have the problems you have described. We are in the same country but we have different cultures. But this is a place where people have come through the centuries, because when you do come here, you feel like living the way you want to. You know India and you know why the Himalayas have been quoted in almost all our ancient texts. It is because only a glimpse of the Himalaya's can be transforming spiritually, but when you do stay here, maybe, you will see a side of yourself that you had never seen before. After having seen the world, I am happy I was born here on this side of the planet, where the Himalaya's are.

good for you. You're having good karma right now.

You have to be careful when immediately believing and upvoting these stories of victimhood for ideological reasons Stellabelle.....
Again, this was a scam.
Here is the source as some other user pointed out above:
https://www.quora.com/How-does-it-feel-to-have-sex-with-your-spouse-on-your-wedding-night-when-he-she-is-a-stranger/answers/2400693?srid=hVXC

omg, this is horrible. Im so glad you were strong enough to escape from this!

Hey guys, this post is fake and I suggest everyone remove their votes and add a downvote.

Original Source: https://www.quora.com/How-does-it-feel-to-have-sex-with-your-spouse-on-your-wedding-night-when-he-she-is-a-stranger/answers/2400693?srid=hVXC

You can see how they changed a word here or there to prevent anyone from finding it online.

Thank you for doing your due dilligence

Everybody got "brain-raped" with this shitty story. It's like the local professional beggars on the street make more money with their fake stories than I do earning an honest salary.

oh god, this is terrible! I am so happy that I was able to add $100 to you and your efforts. I was sleeping, but I felt compelled to check Steemit, and found your post. I wanted to hurry and give you some more money to help other girls. I found myself also in the clutches of a sociopathic person, and dark days don't even go far enough to describe the horror. I cannot imagine what you've been through but you are a strong person to even be alive, I suppose.
I'm so glad you ran away and are taking care of yourself. You may return to trusting people again, but it will take time. For me it has taken me 7 years to get over PTSD and fear of men. I'm finally back into my real feelings and I am not as scared.
I hope you can help as many girls as possible. I was lucky to have parents who cared, but many girls don't have support. Thank you for being a good role model. Bless you!

I love your posts too :) And I highly appreciated the fact that you helped her.
It goes on to show how we can mold this steemit platform to world's first decentralized anarchist society.

Hi Stellabelle,

Thanks for your kind and immensely supportive words. Its nice to find a fellow Steemitian with whom I can relate. I know that my wounds will take time to heal. I always make sure that am always giving back to society and our organization, this is my way of fighting my demons. There's no great pleasure than seeing a weak, fearsome and fragile woman smiling who was once dejected by her own family and society.
Thanks for promoting my post with $100. I am really obliged.

On the other note: I really enjoy your writing on secret-writer. There's so much to learn from you :)

the Secret Writer is a way for me to give back also. I suffered in silence with my secrets. Some I have not told yet. But my situation was not nearly as bad as many. I was lucky. But my heart, well, it's scarred for life, as I am a very highly sensitive person who is now afraid to love again. This is the hurt that continues on.....I wanted to do something for others so the Secret Writer is that thing. Also, my hope is that after the person does the secret writer, then they can start telling the truth in their own name, on Steemit and get the full rewards. But some things are just too damaging to connect one's name to. I have a secret that I'm still not ready to tell....but I want to.

@stellabelle I am so sorry to read it. On Steemit I feel to be part of a family... I wrote a comment in this post following what my heart was telling me... read it maybe it will give you the power to fight you secrets. I mean... using fake-name - username and following the "Secret Writer" you can tell us your secrets... I am from Italy I mean I don't think I will never know these people that were hurting you and I will not going somewhere to tell what you will say. I know you don't know me but I am very high sensitive (I am a Veterinarian as well so very sensitive) If one day you will need to tell someone about it... write me I will listen and if do you need I will tell what I think about it giving you suggestions.
Best regards @webdeals

ps: I would like to clarify a thing very important for me... I said what I said for you but could be for anyone else... I don't need upvote or things like that. With feelings there is nothing to play with! Whenever you will tell the story I will upvote you.. you don't have to do nothing at all!

You have to be careful when immediately believing and upvoting these stories of victimhood for ideological reasons Stellabelle.....
Again, this was a scam.
Here is the source as some other user pointed out above:
https://www.quora.com/How-does-it-feel-to-have-sex-with-your-spouse-on-your-wedding-night-when-he-she-is-a-stranger/answers/2400693?srid=hVXC

"My day started like a human and ended like a flesh. ' powerful sentence. sorry you had to go through this.
And welcome.

yeah, this sentence is full of power and terror. It is haunting for sure.

This story is awfully sad! I am sad that they wouldn't allow you to marry the person you were in love with (or at least be patient with you since you were still young). The fact that they forced you to marry your own uncle is appalling. I have a few uncles myself and can't imagine being with them in that sort of way at all, and I was scared of one of my uncles for calling me a "pretty little girl" when I was six. To actually go through what you did is traumatic and makes me feel such pain and compassion for you.

I am glad you were able to get away, but it must be a fearful situation especially now that you have PTSD through everything. That is great that you are a volunteer now and are able to encourage other women with your story!!!

We have girls from age of 10 to 55 on our organization. Some of them have suffered much more than me and for much longer period. It brings me a immense joy to see hopes in the eyes of these victims. I plan to seek therapy for my PTSD once I save that much. Thanks a lot your kind words.

you can keep posting on steemit, giving us updates and hopefully that will give you more money to get some therapy. I also didn't get therapy for many years too, because I was so poor. It is such a problem....

You have to be careful when immediately believing and upvoting these stories of victimhood for ideological reasons Stellabelle.....
Again, this was a scam.
Here is the source as some other user pointed out above:
https://www.quora.com/How-does-it-feel-to-have-sex-with-your-spouse-on-your-wedding-night-when-he-she-is-a-stranger/answers/2400693?srid=hVXC

Is this fiction rape storytelling, advocacy or what?
Why do you introduce yourself with a rape story?
To gain sympathy perhaps?

This guy is a fucking looser who writes posts on "How many times were you Raped". Judging from the guy's replies this is mostly a fake account by a sadistic asshole. Hey, asshole why don't you ask the same question from your mother when she gets raped! "How many times were you raped". "Why mom why are you telling this to me, do you want my sympathy? I don't have balls Mom let me make another fake account to get you some sympathy".

It is you that has the empty, new account belfort, not me

Well, he turned out to be right.

I had fallen for this one yesterday

All I can say is, good job for YOU for getting out and getting gone, I'm so sorry you had to even go through this and hope sometime in your life (not sure how old you are now) you find happiness again and manage to resolve things to become better for you.
You're brave and I'm proud to have read that to the end and type this back.
Loves xxx

Anytime! I'd offer my inbox to you, if you wanted to talk, but, not possible here I don't think! Keep strong hun xx

Hats off to you lady rebel!!
I am so sorry that you had to suffer the worst probably. But, I laud your courage and feel proud that one woman made a tough decision and escaped a horrible fate. Best of luck. I wish you well. All the happiness and success!

Thanks for your kind words. These words made my day

thank you so much for sharing your story with us! you help so many other young girls who are in the same situation but not brave enough to tell anyone about their struggles. You are a brave healer :)

Thanks a lot.

She was lying, see comment above