First Post ~ Introducing myself. Um..., I'm a mother of 3; White woman who became an Ordained Hindu Priestess.

My name is Durgaji Ibu Jero Putu Widiani Nicole Phoenix Starr.  Most of my life I have been known as Nik.  I answer to anything, people often ask me what to call me and I always say, 'What ever feels best for you. What ever feels most congruent is what I would like you to call me'.

                                                   

So, how did I get such a long name?  It's hilarious actually.  I was born, Nicole Evans in the country town of Wagga Wagga in the state of NSW, Australia.  I always had middle name envy and prayed one day I would have more than just 2 names.... hahahahahahaha, little did I know.

I grew up with quite an eclectic childhood.  My parents were hard working country people from big families and big dreams.  I was an Australian Ballroom dancing champion.  I did Modelling for years and I was even in a movie with Russell Crowe.  By the age of 16 I was burnt out, overwhelmed and freaked out by the human race,  I shut down and only retained one dream.  I dreamt one day 'to be happy'.

                                                   

So my search began.  I left home as soon as I could.  Worked in office jobs and hospitality.  I searched in other parts of the country; in bars, in waterfalls, in nightclubs, on beaches, in the gutter, in churches, in fast cars, in workshops, with bikey gangs, in business meetings, in womens circles, with lovers, in police watch houses, in marriage, in divorce, in acid trips, in depression, in bungy jumping, I looked every where for the elusive 'happy', sometimes I even went back twice to check in case I missed it.  No matter where I looked or where I positioned myself, it wasn't out there waiting for me.

I found a husband, made 2 children and moved us all interstate before I was 30.  Got out of the workforce and into business. Still, still, still I had many happy moments BUT...... So I thought I would try divorce.   Then the next chapter started; I started reading some self help books and I started going to some personal development programs.

The seeds were planted and I was watering them consciously and sub~consciously.

Personal Development became  my saviour!  I educated, studied and implemented all that resonated with me.  I had a ferocious curiosity about the expansion of the mind, responsibility for ones outcomes and life experiences.  I recognised I was never taught the skills and tools that were necessary for me to have the objective to ‘see’.  It was time to take responsibility for the life I wished to have.I had three different businesses over the next several years, always experiencing a respectful level of success and achievement.  Yet still, I wasn’t happen in my own skin, there was many things missing, I Knew there was more, I wasn’t happy enough to settle for mediocrity.  I'd found a partner who was way beyond anything I could have expected in every area of life, so intense, he suddenly passed away in 2009, ( we had nearly 18 months together), things got very interesting, there were no more excuses.  Life was screaming at me.

                                                                   

Through my awareness and many synchronistic events I found myself in Bali in October 2010, here I got the call, very very loudly.  What came out of my mouth, much to my surprize one day in Ubud was, “I’m moving to Bali”.  Shaking my head on hearing those words for the first time and for them to be falling out of my mouth was mind blowing.  Then I remembered a conversation that I had had with my ex-husband telling me that he had taken a job starting the next year 1500kms away from where we were living.  Our lives would change forever as would our co-parenting arrangement.  He had in fact created the space for me to live anywhere in the world.I went back to Australia and with the most incredible unexpected ease I sold my business.  I sold everything I owned, what I didn’t sell, I gave to my friends and what was left I gave to charity.  I sold my car.  I had 2 small boxes which I left at my cousins house, I had 2 suitcases to my name.  I boarded a plane to Bali with no plan and no idea.  There was this greater force that I couldn’t ignore and I willingly allowed myself to be taken on the most unimaginable journey of my life.

                                                                     

Within two weeks I had been introduced to a local Spiritual Family.  Immediately I felt at home.  It is so hard to describe the unconditional love that these people exuded.  They love people purely because they are human beings.  There was zero expectation, zero judgement and excessive desires to be of service and help in anything at all.  I was fascinated with the spiritual energy work that they were doing.  They work with Kundalini energy and also the energy of Ratu Gede (Highest  Balinese God) and Ibu Durga (Warrior Goddess).  Masculine and Feminine.  Watching the meditations, the prayer sessions, the soul transferences, the healings, the love, I truly felt as if I had come home.  Everything that I ever desired appeared in front of my eyes.  It was rather confusing at times, which of course is part of the process when one dives into this type of life.   Interestingly my ex-husband decided that he wouldn't allow the children to leave Australia, that I was to visit them and they would not be moving to Bali as originally planned.  My heart shattered into a billion pieces, I was now on the fast track to a very different existence and everything was being stripped away and I was in way over my head.

                

Every 15 days I attended the midnight ceremony, as well the other ceremonies for all the Holy days in Bali.  I believe now this kept me from losing my mind.  During this time I observed and learnt intimately how the energy works, how to work with the energy, how to understand how to apply this to all areas of my life.  To integrate the learnings so I naturally was living in this state and living the life that I had spent a thousand hours desiring thus far.

October 2011, things started to really shake up, Bali was hit by the biggest earthquake in history, fortunately very little damage to the island and no fatalities.  What it did do was shake the shizz out of me.  I had gotten to a place where I thought I had no fear, fear had all be eliminated from my being.  The earthquake showed me and I realized that that was not the case.  It took me nearly two weeks to get through that internal shakeup and I looked very very deep within and peeled back many layers.  Meditation was my medicine and peace was finally found.

Things started escalating quickly.  I had people asking me left right and center to show them a Bali Experience.  And the NikStarr Spiritual Journeys were born.

On 14th Jan 2012,   I was told that it was time for me to start my Masters training.  I had no idea what that meant.  Awesome, sweet, my many hours of daydreaming were coming to fruition in the most unimaginable ways.  The next day  I was to be downloaded with the first program of Master.  I was put in the Holy Room and it was one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had.  When you get the first taste of divine bliss and eventually ecstasy comes from within and not a pill you know you are in the right place.

So many more things happened during my mastery.  You can read about me getting stabbed in the stomach by men in trance with Balinese swords called Krises that I will share soon, that's a whole massive post of its own.  Epic night that was.  I sustained zero injuries.

After many months of daily initiations and extreme learnings I became a fully fledged Balinese Spiritual Master.  Wow, what stunning journey that was, 7 day Pilgrimage (with an unscheduled trip into a cave with a Swami at midnight before it started).  Heading back to the powerful Island of Nusa Penida, followed by a road trip to the Grand Master in Java with 6 of my Balinese brothers.  Eventually we trekked through some pretty rugged terrain in Java to the Madakaripura Waterfall where my Master Ceremony took place.    I then went into meditation and given the download and programming of Master.  Eventually put into trance allowing it to permeate my every cell, sending my supporting brothers into trance too.  Coming out some time later I felt completely different as if all my intentions had been turned into Automatic.  My time on that cliff face at that Waterfall will stay with me in my file of incredible moments ever.

The old Swami I met became a huge part of the journey, I then spent months going in and out of his cave and learnt the lineage of Hindu White Tantra.  It was during my final initiation that I became Durgaji.  Another epic post for this one coming soon.

I then found myself officially converting to Hinduism in a grandiose 3 day ceremony, it was the most natural thing in the world.  My dear friend @rok-sivante, who introduced me to Steemit, was with me that day.

                                             

I would return to Australia every school holidays and visit my children where they were getting their own life blessons with their father, step mother and blended family.  Fortunately, we had skype and social media to be in contact all the time.  It wasn't ideal but it was certainly purposeful to say the least.  I now see how integral it all was and how this was a huge cosmic setup to allow the unfolding of this divine plan to unfold.

I kept running retreats as more and more people wanted to join and the more responsibility was thrust upon me.  I then found myself in a ceremony and became a Mangku, which is a Priest.  It was all a bit overwhelming for my white western womanly mind at times, I just kept going.  Things became more and more 'divinely guided' the less I tried to work it out.  

2012 was an incredible year and leaning into 2013 I found myself without a lease on my home and for the first time ever a true gypsy.  I was being called to Thailand to spend a short time in an Ashram there.  I spent Easter school holidays with my children and then headed over.  I didn't need to return to Bali until the end of May to work in a retreat.  

Another out of this world post will come with 'what happened in Thailand'.  Let's just say I found myself sitting at the feet of the Gods and making a commitment that would change my life more than I could even imagine including what had happened in the 2 years to date.  I stepped across a line where I completely trusted myself, had my own back and was ALL IN this whole crazy spiritual path thing.  I was even prepared to go sit on top of a mountain and meditate for the rest of my life.  Next Level full surrender.

                                                              

BUT there were other plans, much to my surprise.  I turned 40 that May and found myself Pregnant.  The biggest mind blowing outcome I could never have imagined.  I feel to my knees and with tears of overwhelm accepted this and stood up and kept going.  I did have a partner during that time which dissolved in true karmic fashion.  Unfolding most divinely.  All perfect.

My surprise son was born and I learnt through an old Indian Hindu colleague of mine the art of Divine Mothering.  I learnt how to breastfeed while channeling deities.  I learnt how to fully embody Grace and full acceptance.  I learnt what it meant to walk the path of a Living Goddess.

                                                                        

And then it happened again.  The High Priestess told me, 'it was time'.  Time to come to ceremony and to take the next level to Jero, which is Priestess.  I understood by now that each level comes with another understanding of responsibility and soul evolution.  I embrace them all.  My life looks nothing like I ever imagined.  I never dreamed anything like this would be my life.  I am a Living Prayer.

Then a miracle occurred.  My ex-husbands world shifted, changed and relocated and he was happy to send the big kids to live in Bali.  And now they do and have done so for over 18 months. 

                                                           

I spend my days in full seva of my life.  I care for all the childrens needs by myself.   I run my online temple.  I nurture my many students and I run two businesses.  I was born for this.  I occasionally even talk on World Stages with other Hindu holy people from around the planet. I sometimes wonder how that unhappy country girl found her way and then I just 'keep on going'.

                                                           

You can read more about what I do now at my website if you are interested.  I will share more of my fascinating journey over the coming weeks.  This platform is truly amazing.  
So much love and blessings. 

Nicole Phoenix Starr.