The light through the cracks: a childless father hope.

Echos

Throughout the grieving period for my stillborn child, Max, I watched “The affair” series. And I was deeply touched by the credits song, particularly its lyrics:

I was screaming into the canyon
At the moment of my death
The echo I created
Outlasted my last breath

My voice it made an avalanche
And buried a man I never knew
And when he died his widowed bride
Met your daddy and they made you

[Hook:] 3x
I have only one thing to do and that's
To be the wave that I am and then
Sink back into the ocean

Sink back into the o-
Sink back into the ocean
Sink back into the o-
Sink back into the ocean
Sink back into the ocean

Fiona Apple - Container (The Affair Opening Credits)

Light through the cracks

We’re now expecting our second child, Mia. We’re one week away from her estimated date of birth. And, given our previous experience, our fear is intense. However, some light cracks through the fear and it floods me with hope, happiness, and a deep sense of connection with the universe.

This feeling reminds me this taoist tale:

A man named Sei Weng owned a beautiful mare which was praised far and wide. One day this beautiful horse disappeared. The people of his village offered sympathy to Sei Weng for his great misfortune. Sei Weng said simply, "That's the way it is."

A few days later the lost mare returned, followed by a beautiful wild stallion. The village congratulated Sei Weng for his good fortune. He said, "That's the way it is."

Some time later, Sei Weng's only son, while riding the stallion, fell off and broke his leg. The village people once again expressed their sympathy at Sei Weng's misfortune. Sei Weng again said, "That's the way it is."

Soon thereafter, war broke out and all the young men of the village except Sei Weng's lame son were drafted and were killed in battle. The village people were amazed as Sei Weng's good luck. His son was the only young man left alive in the village. But Sei Weng kept his same attitude: despite all the turmoil, gains and losses, he gave the same reply, "That's the way it is."

And I deeply feel- both with sadness and acceptance- that the loss of my son is the way it is. And I hope the birth of my beautiful and healthy Mia will also be the way it is.

On stillbirth

Stillbirth is when a baby dies before or during birth and can occur at anytime from 20 weeks until full term (40 weeks) or later. You should know that stillbirth is still overlooked by society and the parents of a stillbirth child suffer just a “regular” deaths. I would kindly ask you to donate to charities in you area that help spread the word about it and help parents deal with their grief.