@space88 thanks for your sharing, you're amazing in God's eyes. I believe God want to upgrade you in this area that you find it lacking in your life. I can confidently tell you this is because He has love you with an everlasting love. My suggestion to you is try not to ask a why question : why this happened to me or this didn't happen to me. I have gone through those journeys and find no answer but misery. I've learn to ask God a what, how, when, where, who question. Like "God, what you want to be for me in this situation?" " How to overcome my problem?" Etc. My purpose of this short post is to remind and reveal that we are a spirit being, in my future post I will gradually coach people how to live by the spirit. My prayer for you is that God will open the eyes of your understanding to know Him and be let by Him.