Some Sexy Ass LEGO Mini Figures - Comedy Open Mic Round # 19

Ok...ok...ok...now let’s just admit that you are a total creep that wanted to see some hardcore LEGO smut, and we can move onto the real topic at hand. What’s that you may ask? I’m glad you ask!!! Today I’m here to show you some plastic deliciousness that I just uncovered in a pile on random nonsense from years ago. The year???

Yes...even though this steaming pile of monkey turd came out in 2009...this was the best image I found to express the year which was 2012. Can we talk about how John Cussck’s character out drives an earthquake crack?!?! Fuck what a pile of shit. Anyway....The place?

Yes...the infamous Comic Con that is the creator of fun & wealth, and achy backs and legs. The same place you can get a freebie given to you which will take care of this months car payment if you can endure getting open mouth and nostril sneezed on...sprinkling a perfect amount of misty dew on the back of your neck.

It was at this con in this year that I made a friend at this booth...allowing me to walk away with some Sexiness.

Ah yes...the LEGO booth. Usually a place to go at SDCC to get your dreams crushed. Going to the LEGO booth at Con is like getting kicked in the balls 27 times in a row. If you don’t have balls and are trying to imagine the correct level of discomfort...then simply imagine this...

Imagine as a child, your parents take you to a toy store and tell you to pick a toy for your birthday...which was in June. It’s now October. So you run around with bright eyes looking at various toys. Imagining just how you’ll play with them and how awesome they will be once you get it home. Something catches your eye but you pass on the Lincoln Logs because let’s face it...Lincoln Logs are for straight up douchebags. Little Bradley who lives around the corner from ya has those and he is the biggest asswipe imaginable. He also pisses himself and you’ll be damned if you snag a set of Logs and start pissin yer pants in front of friends and fam. Not cool Bradley...not cool.

Then you see it! You see what you are going to bring home. It’s beautiful and you already are dreaming of being the envy on the block. You cannot wait to tell Bradley “Lick my butt! You aren’t pissin on my couch!” as he comes to your door...slightly reeking like a mixture of old and fresh tinkle. Just slam that shit shut, and go play with your new treasure!

You grab it and show your parents who are mostly disinterested as you are a kid and well...stupid. Dad nods as he spits his dip into a PBR can, missing most of the shot which spills a dark chunky dribble of liquid cancer onto his checkered red flannel. Mom lights up yet another cigarette in the toy store and smiles at the stock boy. You don’t care about their painful impending deaths though. All you can think about is the sweet victory of Dark Tower!

As you get up to the register and dad sees the numbers pop up he loses his shit. “For a game? That much for cardboard?” He tells you no and to go pick out something from the bargain bin which is filled with 328 copies of...

and a stack of...

That choice is like picking between ball cancer and shooting a Roman Candle up your ass. You weigh the options...on one hand, Shaq Fu IS a video game...kinda...I mean a video game should be fu...nevermind. Clarissa Explains It All Game wins. If she could only explain to you that your future LEGO SDCC booth experience will bring you the same amount of pain that this brought you...now that would be something! As you call Bradley to come over and play as he loves this fucking game, you try to convince yourself that a lil sofa piss isn’t that big of a deal.

So now that I took a quick moment to explain what it’s like to not know the feeling of being kicked in the balls, we are all on the same page. Good. Back to Sexy LEGO’s.

These puppies were freebies handed out during the 2012 San Diego Comic Con. Getting the LEGO exclusives, let alone the freebies is super challenging and takes a lot of work....most of the time. This specific time we made friends with one of the guys there and he just simply handed us a bag with like 14 of em in it. That rarely happens as these things are like gold but the Con Gods shined their Heavenly Light on us for a change.

There were 4 pieces in the set for 2012. They gave a different one away each day, Thursday through Sunday. Phoenix, Bizarro, Symbiote Suit Spider-Man, and Shazam (which I no longer have).

They came on little cards that had directions for a contest and only a couple hundred were made of each.

We had a bunch of them but sold them throughout the years. I thought I was out until I just uncovered a plastic bag containing these 3 sitting under a pile of Shaq Fu’s.

These typically fetch around $300 bucks a piece on average now...which is enough to get Bradley some new dry undies, a complete Dark Tower game, a deluxe set of Lincoln Logs, Clarissa Explains It All Game, and 328 copies of Shaq Fu.

On a side note.....Bradley grew up and changed his name to Roland Emmerich...just look at this shit....c’mon!!!!