How to tell if someone is lying to you

LESSON ONE?

This is the first thing that you all should know about this science of lie detection in any conversation with another person. I'll try to keep it simple for you guys and to include all the stuff you need to make this work!

How to establish someone's NORM. Let's call it NORM!

The NORM is the state in which the person you are talking with is manifesting his/hers non-verbal, gestures and micro expressions, when is telling the truth. This is important to establish first, in order to make a good comparison and estimate the similarities or dissimilarities between the two states. This is how you can try to have your best guess if someone is lying to you or not. 

In order to do this you have to understand that the biggest quality you need to have and manifest is to observe and ask questions. The questions you ask, you should know the answers to. This is not so complicated and if you practice you could be able to do this all the time. I do this in almost all my conversations with new people I meet. For an example, I met with some lawyers (which are used to lie all the time - at least that's what's being said) and I was having this meeting with them at a popular coffee shop/bistro in the city we live. I was there earlier so when the first one arrived I noticed his walk, the way he dresses and that he drove a Mercedes (I'll be talking more about observation techniques and what to look for in my future posts). So when we started talking, the waiter came and he ordered an american coffee and other stuff. Then I and looked very observing and targeted at his face and eyes (talk about how to do this in future posts also so people won't notice you are observing) and while I was getting ready to notice any small micro expression and gesture and everything on his face, I asked him if he likes american coffee. So after he actually answered me both verbal and non-verbal, he started to share with me a little story about why american coffee is his favorite and other stuff, mostly true. I also asked him if he is a Mercedes owner when he put his keys on the table. So I new this Mercedes thing is very probably to be true and in fact it was! Enough with my example, I think you get it. 

So you first must see very clearly how people that you are talking with are manifesting when they tell the truth and when they have no stress (conscious and subconscious). Because it's a big difference in the brain (unless one is a psychopath) when a lie is being told or the truth is being told. The cognitive process when the truth is being told is very simple and has like one single operation: access to memory. On the other side, on a subconscious level, when one is lying there are heavy processes going on. Here are some of them: 1. Lie construction; 2. Make it credible; 3. Verify is it's credible; 4. Memorise/Remember stuff in case you have to repeat; 5. Improvise to answer questions.

Because of this differences, taking the NORM is very important. But keep in mind that you still can be deceived and there are "professional liars" and scam artists and "actors" and you can never tell that you are an observant for human lies! Just remember to never give yourself up, because if you brag or something, you'll never be able to analyse that person!

Also this NORM establishment does no harm, or even can be a great small talk or helping your relationship to grow closer. By doing this observation (in a conversation, by asking questions), you can also find out something more than the person is knowingly telling you (this technique is called ELICITATION and is used by all the operatives in the secret services - make sure you follow and share my post because I'll be writing about this also - very important and secret ;) ).

In the end, I'll will always leave you with something BONUS, 

this time some simple frequent questions that you can use for this "lesson one" if I can call it this way,

establishing the NORM:

My recommendation is to use open questions mostly, but you can mix them up, no problem

• What day is today? - simple straight answer (tone, posture, dilated pupils, not blinking, how is the person normally answering this type of simple question - maybe with another question, or straight, etc)
• Do you really think people stepped on the Moons surface? (it's true because it's the person's own opinion and maybe no reason to lie - talking in future posts about reasons people lie)
• What do you think of the current weather? (same as above)
• Why do you think some of the children believe in Santa Claus? (same as above)
• How tall are you, approximately?
• What time is it in Hong Kong?

Remember something: Observation is what you have to start with and observation starts with yourself. Taking the NORM can be very easy and can be very hard and what I will write about lie detection is science but the circumstances are extremely important so don't rush to jump to conclusions. This takes lots and lots of practice. Start practicing! 

Picture from stocksnap.io