Memories of a repeated past (ENGLISH)

I was looking for some old photos and I found some that evoke me a lot of feelings, so, I decided to share with you some anécdotes about what's happening in my country.

I know that is a boring and repetitive thing, but easy, I won't talk about the problems, I just gonna do some short and ilustrated time line, from my experience.

• YEAR 2014 - FIRST HEARTBEAT:

My first time in a political/social protest, in Venezuela:

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Through those months, my personal needs were always on the background, I really was unwise and I ended up more involved than I should (If we consider my age, and personal situation). However, how can I avoid that my country means more to me, that my own life?

I know that, this isn't a shared feeling or thought, but, for me, there was absolutely nothing more important at that moment. I forgot my homework, my personal appearance, and I even tried not to talk to my family, about the things I had been doing, to prevent them from trying to stop me. More than once, I had to spend the night at the streets, because I had no way to come back home. Fortunately, I wasn't the only one with that feeling and I was always surrounded by other young guys who risked the same, or even more than me.

Anyway, There were a lot of things that happened in those months, and that makes me feel a lot of differents things. However, the point is that we couldn't accomplish the main objective. We didn't make it.

I step away slowly from protest and the lower was the frequency of assistance, the bigger was my disappointment.

• YEAR 2017 - SEPARATION OF THE EYELIDS:

Once again, the streets make a call. Stronger this time, with more motivation and support...

First, I resisted with the though "This will be the same as the last time". But, one week was all that I resisted. I prepared my "Guarimba kit" (Mask, gloves, extra t-shirt), called and persuaded my friends and once again, I jumped in to the streets. This time with a massive joy, happiness, but most at all with a great hope that this was THE TIME.

I found any kind of people through the days: Old people, young people, a lot of womens braver than anyone else (as always). Even people who previously disagree, but had understood the situation and reconsidered it.

(Banner: I'm not terrorist. I claim for justice, freedom, food, medicine, safety ).

All that I found, gave me conviction and determination, all was positive... Until the day that a gas bomb make me look to other side and my vision crossed with three guys... So smalls that they had not idea what's going on.

Those three kids from the previous photo... This three little characters with more courage than wisdom, more courage than experiences, but most of all, more courage than years of life...

In different days, I would say that they gave me more strength and reasons to continue, but that day... That day was another story.

This three kids, helped with the barricades, water and other supplies. Whatever they could (It wasn't much, because they were homeless).

After that day, I started to do a re-check to all the days of protests and the results of it, All the tragedies and most of all, I wondered if the venezuelan had woken up...

No. The answer is no, we just separated the eyelids and saw a half-reality, but still, we don't wake up, we are on those morning seconds that we get out of a dream, but we don't realize that we are awaken, we just look around, given to our body some time to understand what's going on, to understand that the sun is going up but the day don't arrive yet.

• YEAR 2018 - SLOWEST SECONDS:

Well, here we are, pretending once more, that we can live a normal life, make our goals happen and avoid the situation to affect us. Recieving a new generation in hard circunstances, but wait, we do all this for they, don't we?

We kept convincing ourselves again, that we are stronger than this, and I think, that even if we aren't, if we convincing ourselves enough, I'm sure that we will be.

But, we shouldn't blame ourselves for this, because, how else could we go on?

If you're here; thanks for reading and maybe, for feeling.