Stream of consciousness #1: Embracing helplessness.
I saw these words ”embrace helplessness”. Right now I am trying to make sense of reality by cleaning up in my environment, creating a beautiful place to live. Enjoy nature and my garden, the peacefulness of raking leaves for example. Eating things that are good for my body.
But in all of this I have the feeling of sitting in a rowing boat, and very tightly holding onto the ores. Before I wasn’t even paddling, I was kind of frozen in some kind of decision paralysis and actually pushing back on the water. Now i am paddling a lot, in the direction of my goals, getting forward, feeling better. But I feel like I am still really holding onto those ores too tightly. I feel tired of trying to foresee everything and how I can mold my world into how I want it to be.
I know a guy who is the best in the world in his field of expertise, which is why I follow him closely. He has the biggest ego I’ve seen, he is giving everyone advice on everything as his following grows. So one has to filter out on subject when it comes to info from him. He is young and hasn’t learnt yet to give advice to people when they ask for it. He tries to push it upon people. He is paddling hard. I don’t know what drives him but something in him scares me. Maybe the part that scares me about me. He could go for world domination. But he would be the happiest if he just surrendered to what feels good and just relax. Recognize that we all respect him and that he is enough as he is.
That’s why the best spiritual leaders are probably people nobody ever heard anything about. They don’t try to push their truth on anyone. They just be and shine their light and let people come to them for advice, and then let the people go off to live their own lives. These teachers would never take a piece of anyone's income or register them into a church.
When I look back at my life, my biggest best decisions have been in the spur of the moment…so I should probably just loosen the grip of my ores just a bit. I think as humans we are always going to hold onto them. It’s only if we would truly believe in some kind of higher force that we would be able to trust the stream to take us where we want to go. But I think loosening the grip is getting closer to that guided state.
Right now I want to loosen my grip so that I can enjoy each day and each day can be equal. Today is as valuable as tomorrow or something like that.