Living with Mental Illness: I Don’t Just Listen to Sad Songs.

Photo by Jonas Verstuyft on Unsplash

I received a really positive response to my previous article on living with mental illness. Two themes that came through really strongly were that:

• A lot of people admitted to not having a good understanding of what it feels like for a person to have a mental illness; and

• A lot of these same people are genuinely interested in learning more about this issue.

I’ve decided to write a couple of additional posts on this topic to share some information about mental illnesses in general. I’m working on longer piece that will delve into this issue in greater depth, but I wanted to start with something a little more light hearted. Todays post is about the beauty of a well-crafted song lyric, and its ability to connect with people on a number of different levels. I personally connect really strongly with song lyrics and find them a great way to not only process my own emotions, but to also understand the points of view of others.

Another piece of feedback that came through quite strongly in relation to my previous post was that some people felt I was spending too much time listening to depressing music. Perhaps if I changed my choice of music slightly, then maybe my mood would improve? I found this an interesting topic for a couple of reasons. Firstly, this is not first time this has come up. Other, non Steemian friends have mentioned this in the past. I would like to highlight at this point that I do listen to other kinds of music too, which is the title of this post and a point I will return to. I am however, a kid of the 90’s and grew up on a staple diet of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains. This genre was not known as Grunge for no reason. There’s a lot of dark stuff going on there. Here is one that comes immediately to mind

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky
But why
Why
Why can't it be
Why can't it be mine

Pearl Jam – Black

Another one of my all-time favourites is the following single line from the Soundgarden song Outshined.

I look like California, but I feel like Minnesota

I have a friend from Minnesota who hates when I bring this up, but even before I started experiencing my current difficulties, I loved this single line. For me it captures perfectly that feeling we’ve all had on days when we feel like shit on the inside, but put on a brave face all the same. Those around us would never guess we’re feeling down.

Once a Grunge kid, you’re always a Grunge kid I think.

Diving a bit deeper into this kind of sentiment is useful though in helping us to understand more about mental illness in general and some of the stigmas that are attached.

The first thing to note is that its ok to feel sad. The song lyrics I posted last time were pretty dark, but I was feeling pretty shitty when I wrote that post. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Literally everyone who is reading this has, at some point in their lives, locked themselves in a dark room and cried into a bowl of ice cream or a bottle of rum. This is common, this is normal and this is ok. When dealing with other people in our lives, we have to be careful not to stereotype or label the way they feel. One of the most common treatments for someone suffering from emotional issues is mindfulness, and one of the most fundamental principles of mindfulness is to learn to accept your own emotions. In the Buddhist context, the ability to sit with an emotion (or anything else for that matter) without judgement is one of the highest levels of enlightenment. Mindfulness is not about avoiding emotions, but is instead about accepting them for what they are, and in doing so moving past them.

So mentally ill or not, if you are having a bad day, then feel free to wallow in self-pity for a few hours. It’s completely normal and you will probably feel better for it. If a few hours turn into a few days then we may have a problem, but don’t beat yourself up about being sad. It’s a perfectly normal human emotion.

My second point is that people process emotions differently. For me I find music helpful. While some people found the lyrics I shared to be dark, for me they are actually quite inspiring. They help me to connect with how I feel, better understand some of the stuff that is going on in my head and perhaps most importantly, realise that other people feel just like I do. So just because you might not find listening to sad songs helpful in dealing with your own stuff, some other people might. People deal with stress in all different kinds of ways. Some will light a candle and meditate, while others might go outside and lie on the grass, enjoying the warmth of the sun on their skin. Others might go to the gym, or for a run and exercise away their frustrations. Many people will do a combination of the above, and a variety of other things that I haven’t even thought of. Do what works for you and try not worry too much about what other people are doing. Most likely they are just getting by the best they can given whatever is going on in their lives at the time.

Philosophical issues aside, I want to return to the original point of the article, which is that I don’t just listen to sad songs. Despite having the odd bad day here or there, I’m not walking around all day muttering FML and listening to depressing 90’s rock music. I like all types of music and it’s a big part of my life in a variety of ways. For some reason, song lyrics in particular speak to me, and I quite often find myself blown about by the simplicity of two or three lines from a particular song that captures a moment or a feeling especially well. So, here’s an example to end this post of another set of lyrics that I really like. Its by the same band as my last post. This one is about falling in love though and I think it captures that time when you first meet someone, get swept away by your emotions and just can’t get that person out of your head. I mainly like it because I think it speaks to being happy, and there just ain’t enough happiness in the world in my opinion! Hopefully you like them too. I’ve posted the link to the song as well if you want to listen to the whole thing.

And I was so scared to talk to your friends
Pretended that I was a real person
Trying to remember names, smiling and nodding
But I couldn't kick the grin from when
You'd gone and kissed me quickly in the kitchen!

The Smith Street Band – Ducks Fly Together

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