What are your dirtiest, most shocking secrets?
My secret is that I allowed my friend to kill himself, and everyone thinks I tried to save him. The reality is that I thought he was joking. He was always overly dramatic, not in a gay way but in a emotional teenager way. This would have been back in the mid 2012. Apparently he'd called up a few of our mutual friends* in the previous few months threatening suicide, but this all came up after the fact. I had no idea. Evening of he calls me up, sobbing and swearing, telling me he's going to kill himself. I had no idea he was depressed or suicidal, and was also a bit high and so intelligent me responded "Well you've always wanted to be on TV." A few more sobs and he hangs up. I think nothing of it.
The next day news spread all over the school that he'd hung himself, and I was feeling pretty sick, figuring that it couldn't have happened long after our conversation. I was called into the principals office, pretty much fearing that I'd be imprisoned for causing this and this guys parents were there, obviously crying their eyes out. I just kinda sat and waited to be torn a new one. They told me that they found his phone nearby and a call to me shortly before was in the history. I froze, waiting for something to happen, for someone to yell. No one did.
His mum, and then his dad came up and hugged me and sobbed onto me, stepping back to profusely thank me and praise me for talking to him and trying to be there for him, for being such a good friend and staying on the line. Through their teary eyes I could tell that they totally believed I had done good by their son. So I lied, and said that I did everything I could and I'm sorry I couldn't have done more.
I've been telling that lie ever since.
*This only came out after his death, actually at his funeral wake. At the funeral it was mentioned quickly by a family member that I'd helped right at the end and thank you. Afterwards, a few of his and my mutual friends came up and explained how he'd called them up out of the blue in the past few months also.
Share your secret fellas
I personally don't think that some secrets are meant to be shared.
One of the reasons for this is that we live in a World where many mistake retribution for justice. Also we tend to believe that somebody 'has' to carry the can.
Of course you know today that you made a mistake in the past. You feel a degree of responsibility and this has inspired you to share your story - and perhaps others sharing their mistakes might make you feel better.
Rest assured - you are not alone in having regrets. One regret that I have is not stopping in a busy road to try and rescue a cat that had already been knocked down. A year or so later I did - and looked awfully silly chasing a non-knocked cat off the road while cars contended with my stationary vehicle.
Eh... at least I more or less balanced the books on that one.
But that is the thing. We learn from our mistakes. And we can atone for them if we will it and if we are given the chance.
Next time you'll be better placed to tackle such desperate contacts with more finesse. Or maybe you could actively seek to better the lots of those who are similarly suffering today. Good luck!
Thanks for sharing your story .But it was life lost,one of my bestfriends.I just can't get over this regret.I could have saved him.
Maybe. Or maybe it would have happened anyway.
You have regrets. You have felt loss. You are now a better person for it.
The time is approaching to forgive yourself - to think less about punishing yourself, or about that which you cannot change and more upon areas where you can still make a difference. :c)
It may take on the most surprising of forms. Bring about a better World - one smile at a time.
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