Still Thinking About Your Ex? 10 Tips To Move On

If breaking up isn't hard enough, some of us will struggle for weeks, months or even years after the loss of a significant relationship. What I've come to learn is that it doesn't really matter how long the relationship lasted, If the relationship had a title ( e.g. married, engaged or BF/GF) or why the relationship ended. The fact is, breaking up is hard, draining and painful. Rather than finding yourself in a cycle of getting back together and then breaking up again, consider these tip for moving forward, learning from your past relationships and finding a better fit in the future.

1. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Immediately after a difficult break up the feeling of numbness is replaced with loneliness. Take this time to process your thoughts and spend time with your friends and family. They will support you and also give you a perspective from the outside looking in that can bring clarity. It's also a great way to lift your spirits.

2. Seek the help of a professional counselor. This is often said at the bottom of these types of list as if its a worst case scenario. Nothing could be further from the truth. Transitions from break ups are challenging, they take time and planning. Having a good therapist or counselor can build resiliency on the front end while providing strength to move forward.

3. Get involved in a new activity. Often times we suffer from huge gaps in time when a relationship ends. A lot of that time is then spent dwelling on our ex. Having a new activity to learn about fills that gap and also may provide opportunity to meet new people. Try a dancing class, yoga, volunteering, cooking, learning a language or weight training. You get the idea.

4. Start a NEW good habit: This might be drinking less, eating super foods, finding a support group through church, exercising more, or getting more sleep. Hopefully a combination. This is more important during a breakup than at other times. It easy for many of us to eat more, drink more alcohol, or find other unhealthy behavior to mask the pain. That can lead to damaging habits in the long run that affect our health, weight and finances. If you know you're struggling skip looking for ways to take care of yourself.

5. Make sure you have a little fun everyday. This might mean going for a run, enjoying a cup of coffee, listening to your favorite music, meeting a friend, learning a new skill or watching your favorite show. The options are endless but it's important to make an effort to do something that makes you smile every day.

6. Plan a trip that is a few months out and occupy your mind with the details and planning. This is a long term approach to have something to look forward to. Traveling is fun and so is planning the trip. If you could go anywhere tomorrow where would yougo? What would do while visiting? Would you go alone or with a friend? You get the idea, so get after it!

7. Let yourself cry and remember that it didn't work out for a reason. It's still okay to miss someone. It's also okay to be crying in the morning and happy in the afternoon. Sometimes it's easy to feel a dooms day scenario of, "I'll never find someone" or "I lost the only person I'll ever love." It's okay to be sad and it's okay to be happy all in the same day.

8. Refrain from texting, communicating with your ex or reaching out through a third party. This is crucial to moving forward. Block numbers, remove photos, take down pictures and take the time to heal. It doesn't mean you will never talk or ever look back at a picture but that will be at a later point.

9. At times it seems like every song is speaking about your break up, every person reminds you of your ex, and every third thought is about your ex. Shut down those thoughts as soon as the come up. You might consider saying a mantra in your mind, "that relationship is over, that person is no longer in my life." Anything to that effect can be used for intrusive thoughts.

10. Have faith and courage. You will find love again, you are strong, and you will get through this struggle like other ones in your life.

Nobody signs up for a painful break but now that your there, it's time to deal with it in healthy productive ways. The sooner you move on the better. We seem to think we need to feel sad for a certain period of time. While you may feel a sense of loss it's also okay if you don't!

What methods have worked well for you in the past?

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