this is the NOW that god gave me

Every now and then I have one of those "I get it" ..."Life"... moments...my connection to it...my place in it...my inner reality with it...a sudden sense that provides no label...allows no description...

For the most part they are rare since the daily trials and tribulations to exist in human form take full presidence...All our focus is forced onto the tasks at hand...the tasks ahead...or the grading of the past...No time or energy is available to feel any type of life connection or awareness...

But out of the blue they surface... in all shapes and sizes... they stay long enough for you to know they visited but flee the minute you try to fully recognize them.... you know its something unique...they come and go with the force of a whisper...

A more dramatic one occurred while visiting the Grand Canyon years back with my wife and kids...I woke early...left the cabin and walked to the canyon edge to catch the breathtaking early morning view...as I looked out I suddenly realized I was totally alone...no one in sight in any direction...ironically I had just read that this national park was one of the most visited in all america...millions of visitors each year..yet here I was...all alone...just me and life's vastness...and a sudden fleeting whisper that "said"..."You are never alone..."

Staying with the dramatic...I almost died once...a car accident...my car lost traction in a snow storm while climbing up a hill...a small four cylinder car...as if being pulled by a magnet the car verred into the opposite lane...nothing I could do to pull it back...I saw a large truck coming up over the hill towards me...my head became a movie projector as snapshots of my life flashed before my eyes...and right before the truck hit I remember total relaxation came over my body and I said out loud..."This is it"...miraculously I survived...

Not all the moments are so intense or awe inspiring...little "awes" spring up as well...

Sitting in a low to the ground beach chair...right by the edge of a beach...feet getting swallowed by the muddied sand with each passing wave...hours had gone by...sun was starting to set...and it suddenly hit me that I had been in a trance like state for much of that time...in a place of no place...unaware of any awareness...

Recently having put out a few bird feeders late one fall season...I became mesmerized by the whole bird eco system...one winter day in particular I was transfixed watching this one little chickadee move from ice and snow covered trees to the feeder...to the heated bird bath and back to the frozen bush...and just like that I felt the intense strength of human survival...exemplified by this one small creature...well equiped to handle nature's challenges...and for the time it takes a snowflake to melt...I too was "told" that I was equipped to do the same.

Which brings me to standing in front of my bathroom mirror...feeling anxiety over the work day ahead...mixing in additional concerns about my children...starting to feel life is unfair compared to other people I know...aggrevated by my reality...when out of the blue...in the force of a whisper...comes a voice that says..."this is the NOW god gave me"...my NOW...aggrevations and all...the highlights...the lowlights...all the puzzle pieces that make up me...no one else...Me...right Now...

And simultaneously with the peace that comes with total acceptance...so came a second whisper..."this all ends"...our true human vulnerability...that in the end there is an end over which we have no control...our only existence is now....the NOW god gave me.