I loved my Father But...
I loved my Father but he was never there for me. I'm sure there are others who are like me, but I WANTED to get to know him because I had forgave him for hurting me.
When I was a baby, he took me to a baseball tournament and didn't put a DROP of sunblock on me, so I had gotten a very bad sunburn. It was so bad that my mom said I cried from the varied blow coming from her lips. So, because of my Mom's distress, she got upset and wanted to almost obliterate him from causing that terrible sunburn I got, and mind you, I live in Mississippi, so it was VERY HOT! Of course I don't remember that, but I also remember other pains he caused me, BUT HOWEVER....
I forgive him.
He died last year, like a week or two(2) after Father's Day, and every since then I have been feeling he wants me to forgive him for not:
1- EVER CALLING ME TO WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I GOT NO CAKE, A CANDLE, ICING, AND ETC. I GOT NOTHING FROM HIM, BUT A PAIR OF SOCKS FOR CHRISTMAS WHEN I WAS LIKE 8 OR 9. I DIDN'T WANT SOCKS, I WANTED SOCK-N-BOP ITS!!! LOL.....
2 - READING ME A STORY FROM MY ONE OF MY GOLDEN BOOKS I ALWAYS HAD TO GET WHEN I WENT TO THE STORE, INSTEAD I HAD TO SEE HIM CHILL WITH HIS HOMEBOYS, AND TRUST ME.... I WAS ALWAYS SCARED WHEN HE CAME TO PICK ME UP... THE FEELING IS VERY COMPLEX TO EXPLAIN
3 - HAVING A LIABLE PHONE NUMBER, ADDRESS, OR JOB
4 - NOT RESPECTING YOUR MOM AS I DID MINES
5 - NOT EVER PICKING YOU UP SO THAT YOU COULD HAVE MET YOUR OLDER SISTER BEFORE SHE DIED
6 - NOT EVER ALLOWING YOU TO MEET YOUR BROTHERS TREY AND WINKY, AS WELL AS YOUR BABY SISTER, SHAWNY
7 - NOT COMING TO YOUR PUBLIC PERFORMANCES IN BAND AND BASKETBALL, OR YOUR AWARD DAYS
8 - NOT GIVING YOU ADVICE ABOUT THE WORLD AND HOW PEOPLE ARE, ESPECIALLY GUYS
.... AND THE LIST GOES ON AND ON
but I THINK I FORGIVE HIM?
I do know that LIFE is SHORT, and I do miss wanting answers to my WHY's. I am an official LOVE CHILD, which is why I ALWAYS WILL FEEL THE PAIN FROM IT>>>>>>>
BUT LOVE IS LIFE, AND LIFE IS ALL ABOUT SURVIVING AND FORGIVING.... The lesson I have learnt from my dad's death, and in shame, this allows me to Love him Even More!