Down to Earth Psychology - Can a long-distance relationship really work?
We've all heard heart-melting stories of lovers being together despite great distances and although we all dream of such a powerful connection, not many of us are prepared to make compromises for it.
In today's busy world most of us view unbreakable love as something from a cheesy film and are much more focused on compatibility and attraction. Do we have common interests, do we feel good with each other and how much fun we have in bed are some of the criteria by which we judge our possible partners. Some lucky few claim they experienced the magnificent phenomenon called 'Love at first sight' but we tend to place this on the 'fantasy' shelf as well.
And even though we don't have to rely on the super romantic love letter to communicate to our partners when they're away, seeing each other on Face-time is not quite the same as sleeping in the same bed. The human need for touch and closeness can't really be satisfied by technology however advanced it might become. So can a long distance relationship really work?
So what do we need to stay in a long-distance relationship?
A really strong connection
This is common sense but we shouldn't compromise unless there's really something there. Long distance relationships are pretty hard, but when another person means a lot to us we can deal with the issues that may come up.
Strong plans for the future
Probably the most important thing to consider is whether the situation is temporary. If the plan is to be together fairly soon, it's much easier to accept a period of separation and remain faithful to each other. But if it doesn't seem probable that you will move closer to each other in the near future, you should think whether it's worth it.
Ways to meet pretty often
If you live in different cities but are able to see each other every week, then it's not so bad. It's probably even better in some aspects as you are able to have separate lives and privacy as well as the romantic reunions. Also you never get bored or tired of each other (unless you text all day) and dates are much more fun. But this can also work only temporary, as most of us need the comfort of living together at some point in our lives.
If you live in different country and may not be able to see each other for months then it's probably not worth the struggle. After a while your completely separate lives may get between you and that connection will start fading.
Lots and lots of trust
If you're planing to have an open relationship, that's great, probably better. But if your long-distance relationship is monogamous, you need to trust that you're partner will stay faithful, regardless of how often you meet. When you start doubting, it's over. If for whatever reason you don't fully trust your partner, you should not try and stay together. This is actually valid for normal relationships as well.
Nice ..
Great post from you, thanks for the tips
Thanks for sharing
I guess, honestly @corina, it depends on the level of love the couple has. If it's soulmate level, everything will be ok. I think it's important to understand that for people in these situations.
Even though I've heard people say it a thousand times, friends, family, television, movies, books... If it's meant to be, it's going to be. That's so crazy, to understand (through my life experiences) that this is so true. It really is. Now, that doesn't mean the two lover should ignore love for they believe it will be no matter what - it still requires understanding and trust, like you're writing about. More so, I think the understanding of passion is also very important. Those fights? Long distance ones... Well... Fighting is passion too. Just keep it civil I guess.
Also like you're saying, look forward and to the future. If you can get through it, the hard parts, the harder it will be to split apart :)
Securing love takes time and effort, and, unfortunately, it takes pain.
Also, we must be careful not to get too deep into the Psychology of love. You can easily boil it all down to the pituitary gland and oxycontin. SAD SAD understanding of love. Psychology of love destroys the divinity of it. Psychology can't explain what some believe as well; soulmates.
Psychology still can't explain everything. There are still a lot of things down to 'magic' and some part of me hopes they remain mysterious.
Me too :) I hope it remains mysterious. Good point.
Very well put! And yes some relationships are meant to be and they will survive any hardship.
I feel it is great not to compromise on communication too once you are in a long distance relationship. Once you don't communicate well, mistrust might creep in.
Very true. Communication is key in any relationship but especially a long-distance one. Thank you for your comment.
Personally i don't do long distance relationship. The complications, the misunderstanding, the lack of quality time together is a complete turn-off for me.
I really commend you for this post @corina. It's a wonderful tips for us alike.
Thank you. I agree with you. It has to be something really special to be worth the hassle and I'm not sure you can find that nowadays.
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thanks for sharing! i will start following your exciting posts! Checkout my posts as well
Thank you for your kind comment @saraalafi
Well said precise and straight to the point! A lot of people fail to ask these questions "In today's busy world most of us view unbreakable love as something from a cheesy film and are much more focused on compatibility and attraction. Do we have common interests, do we feel good with each other and how much fun we have in bed are some of the criteria by which we judge our possible partners. Some lucky few claim they experienced the magnificent phenomenon called 'Love at first sight' but we tend to place this on the 'fantasy' shelf as well" at the end of the day some persons are just gliding through, but lessons have been reiterated today.
Dear, Some time it can work batter.
Greetings from Berlin-
Very goodd post you schould write a Book.
H,G,J0shi
Thank you so much @ayurvedajoshi
I couldn't agree more, there should always be that rock hard commitment and trust for it to work out. Thanks for sharing this @corina.
Thank you for your kind comment @lucisuidicium
Communication and trust are necessary in any relationship, but especially in long distance relationships. I am kind of seeing someone that lives about 5 hours away but I have thought about moving to be closer to him. I am scared of moving so far away from my friends here but I think he is worth taking a risk on. So, we shall see what happens. Best of luck to you!
Ivy
That sounds very exciting and scary @socent. I wish you best of luck and I really hope it works out for you two. Thank you for your comment.