Life Diary: I am on a panic now
Deep panic grips my emotions now. My heart just reacts by being in a constant high pressure beating and I hope it finally stops so I can also finally rest. I don't know why other patients die so soon without much suffering and some others like me just are given one after the other a battering ram of misery.
My mouth is now wide open everytime, my upper lip doesn't touch my front teeth anymore, gums are swollen but not painful and I now have a speech disability, so I am embarrassed just by speaking. I can't enjoy a hot cup of coffee anymore. I just wait for it to cool cool down to a warm temperature then I pour it into my mouth while lying down, keeping in mind not to spill because my pillow will get ruined. There are more than six billion people in the planet and I think I seem to be only the one that have gotten this problem. It wasn't like this just a month ago so the problem is exponentially progressing.
Leontiasis is such a rare disorder and how unlucky can I be that had it. Thanks for my ability in keeping myself alive for a long time with my own resources and I ended up with an unwanted price, the price that I paid in defying many tragedies that came into me. So I am now in a worry, I worry now in a lot of things, the things that I wasn't expecting that I now have to expect because that lately is what really is happening. I had fought long enough, I just need my graduation and yet the diploma maker seemed yo have died or forgotten about me.
I don't know what to do anymore but I will hold on. I will just keep my mind off it all and let it all out here at steemit. I will just try to do what I can because this is a sole effort, I am the one holding my own steering wheel and I am just lucky to have some family and friends in other parts of the world that supports me. Keeping myself sane and comfortable is my number one priority because it is what I need with some prayers and love for all this battle-weary soul of mine.
I can feel the pain in your words. Remember that nothing is permanent and all things pass. You're strong and you'll get through this.
By reading your post i know that you're a strong person bravely facing this head on while trying your best to live life fully for some time. Glad to hear that you have great people around you. I know this is not much of help but still i'll pray for you to get better. I believe that miracles do happen :)
I am just holding it together really @whitearcana and I believe I had kept this struggle long enough and now wanted to bail out for good because the fight just got uglier.
Just thanks for the love I get especially from my parents who really are the hand of God for me on this world, plus some steemit friends around the world who seem to know and feel what I feel, otherwise they would just ignore and go on for the next post or so. Then they show support and I do value that and thankful for at least I won't worry about some of the financial aspect of my problems.
Thank and I appreciate your support and prayers. I do believe in miracles but I would ask the bringer of it that a miracle is too late now, the bringer can give it to the next fellow who needs it maybe more than I.
With your words you make me feel your pain, I understand that it is hard what you are feeling, and I know that it is not much that my words can encourage, but do not faint, go ahead because you are very brave, God is with you and remember that for Him There are impossible! I will keep track of you!
hang in there!
Sorry to hear you are having a tough period emotionally.
I am thanking you again @thecryptofiend for all the support that you had given me eventhough we are worlds apart, we don't even live in the same continent and yet the weight of help I received from you is actually unimaginable for me. Sometimes I wonder if how is like to be your family member or even a close friend because you seem to understand my condition in life, I also appreciate your sympathy for me.
I had been sickly all my life. I thought I could wait for my body to just heal, but it just gotten worse over the years. I am just hoping for some relief now until something gives up.
Hang in there my friend. If there's anything I can do please let me know! ( Via comments or PM ).
Upvoted
Thank you @iamnotageek
Yes, as a steemian of course we all wanted to get some exposure for our posts so we can somwhat earn so maybe resteeming support will help or just a prayer will be better. I will appreciate it very much.
Consider it done. Prayer my man! It's powerful !
It saddens me that among of all people, you got that Leontiasis. I honestly never heard of that before. But whatever that illness has struck you, just always pray to God and you will feel better. God bless you always
I am always praying, I believe God still can look at me and take notice.
I do admire your courage and openess by sharing your deepest thoughts and fears. While many of us out in this community are completely strangers to you, I do want to let you know that we are all connected in spirit and I can feel your emotions. Please know that eventhough it seems that He has forgotten you, I can reaasure you that it is not. Please continue to love and receive love as it is the healing power within. You are not defined by the outer, but by the innerself. You are stronger than you think. Remember whatever the competition is, you have already won.
Thank you @karinlvira for all your kind words and encouragement. I couldn't care less about some of my hardships but all these misery piling one after the other and threading upon me while I am down and out is what I am crying about because it is just hard to carry them anymore.
I am still here and not losing spirit as I see support even from distant real friends like you too.
Dear @cryptopie. I can most certainly understand that your feeling cornered by all the challenges your facing everyday. Start focusing more inwards and less on the symptoms that are visual on the outside. He is carrying you with every step you take. Maybe it is time to explore the world within. You may find some strenght in a view articles I have shared with this community based on my own experiences. Whenever you need an ear, I am just one click apart.
I'm sorry to hear that, wish you get well :)
Thank you @pepe.maya
I'm gonna request for a fluid weight reduction tomorrow, hopefully I will feel more better than right now.
I don't know anything about living with Leontasis, i can't imagine how is fight with day after day with your condition. But i know a lot about panic, the panic runing all inside your skin, and let me say (if i can help) just embrace the panic, just take it a give it a hug, take your panic and love it, is the only way to transform it into peace.
Strenght my brother, yes, the battle will have no end, but this battle make you what you are, this battle make you the great man that you are.
Yes but no matter how I turned my head to ignore fear, worry, and panic, it just keep on turning my face in front of it all.
Some people told me to keep on fighting on but I am not a warrior nor a soldier and this is not Sparta.
You have everything that you think you're not. We are nothing compared with you and I can tell from what I read that you are accepting your condition and you're ready when the time comes..... Rest well.