365 Days That Count - Day 35 - Don't judge a book by it's cover.

I'm sensitive and can be shy and insecure. When I walk into a room alone I always feel like people are talking about me and suddenly my clothes feel uncomfortable.

The irony and the issue is that I look like I don't give a shit. I'm tall and blonde and my defence to feeling vulnerable is to act confident which as an actress I can do it pretty convincingly.

It was one of my oldest friend's engagement parties tonight, I was nervous to go as I didn't know many people and was arriving alone. I've met his finance once and she was sweet but comes from a very wealthy Jewish family and that clique of people in Cape Town can be exactly that - very cliquey!

When I get awkward, people don't assume that I'm shy or insecure or vulnerable, they assume I'm standoffish or cold or unfriendly. And sometimes - like tonight - even when I'm making sure there's a smile permanently pasted on my face, people - women mostly - are very cold and unfriendly and standoffish to me.

Every time I spoke to David there was a group of people glaring at me unaware that we've been friends since we were 2. And every time I spoke to Dylan - a friend I ran into there - people would catch his eye and give him a wink.

Don't judge a book by it's cover. We're all told that expression countless times growing up but for some reason it seems not to sink in. I've been judged my whole life. Either, like tonight, people assume I am just some blonde out to steal your man or they assume that I'm stupid.

I can not tell you how many times people have been openly surprised to discover I have a brain.

Most of the time I use it to my advantage, it's useful to be underestimated but sometimes it's really frustrating. I'm a good person, a kind person yet nobody seems interested in that. Firstly they can't be bothered to look past the superficial to discover what's beneath and secondly the superficial seems to be more important most of the time, growing up I was never told I was clever before I was told I was pretty.

Why aren't we talking to our girls about their good hearts and bright minds? Why do we teach them and each other that it's ok to define and judge a person according to what they look like?

I know that not all people are as superficial as the group I was surrounded by tonight but I've spent time with many different kinds of people and more often than not I have been judged on some level.

I don't even care that they assume I'm stupid, I care that they assume I'm not kind.

That's what I respect most about myself, and that's what will always last.

Don't judge a book by it's cover, you'll miss some amazing stories.

Love,

Daisy xx

( @daisyd )