Not spoken about nearly enough. The panic attacks, imposter syndrome, stress and anxiety. No history of this kind of success in your support/social networks so nobody to talk to about this. A public face of calm confidence to maintain. What mostly worked for me was to set near milestones and then when I was about to be crippled by the blackness, review what was happening relative to that. So, even when the clouds was at their worst, I knew I'd be making progress. Small steps but even then I sometimes tripped and fell. Is it worth it? In a lot of fields, from mountainering to academia, sometimes success comes to those that endure pain the longest and delay gratification. Kia kaha.