Don’t Follow Your Head, Follow Your Heart. A Journey...
I have been on a sort of bender lately, and not the cool type. I think the opposite of the one you’re probably imagining right now.
There has been no booze, no sexy parties, no drugs and saddest of all, no women. Conversely rather than do all those things that most people my age consider to be fun… I have consigned myself to solitude while seriously pondering where I am right now in live and the path to where I want to be.
It has been lots of fun. Taking most of my time, “I’m figuring shit out” that’s what I tell myself. Yes, for me there is nothing better than lying alone in my bed, or sitting at the edge of a seat, with my head phones on, listening to soft alternate rock songs and working out the maze of worry, self-pity and fear of things that don’t exist. A line from a favourite song (Heaven go easy on me, by the Head and the Heart) goes
Is it that the good life is a simple one Reading good books and playing songs Watching the wind blow through the front yard Don’t follow your head, follow your heart
Well-meaning words. Almost psychedelic if you think about it. Promising clarity where there is none yet failing to give meaning to my personal pursuits, while also not giving concise directions to where I want to be headed. Follow your heart? What if my heart wants my ass to stay right in bed and do nothing all day. Stay lazy and achieve nothing more than observing the sunset every night rather following my head who is tell me to rage against the dying of the light? So I followed my heart. Achieving nothing more than having a heat rash on my bum and always being too tired from being actively inactive. Am I making any sense here? I don’t think so… But I’ll proceed nonetheless.
Lol! I’m cursed with a lazy heart and a head that wants to work extra hard. The two of them do not work in tandem but sometimes, the head gets tricked into spending the whole day doing something menial like drawing out the Fibonacci tree to its’ 30th step or commenting out code written ages ago rather than writing new one.
All fantastic nonsense that adds little next to nothing to my life. Just recycling old knowledge and doing nothing new. My head aspires for more, for drive for purpose, for fire! While my heart says fuck it all… Sit your ass down and enjoy the sunset. Damn!
Sometimes we need to rest and revitalize ourselves. I recommend getting out of your house, though, and sitting in a place that stirs your heart. Who knows what opportunities you'll meet there? Staying in bed won't do much for you, unless you really need the rest.
Yeah.. at the end of the day. I am searching for clarity. Clarity about what? I do not know
Looking at my own past, I would attribute that restlessness to a lack of meaningful purpose and not feeling like I belong in the place where I am, which could also be said, feeling like there is something better elsewhere. Sometimes you have to travel a long way before you can be content with things. My solution for a long time was walking. Then working. Then traveling. Essentially, motion. But that is/was me.
"There has been no booze, no sexy parties, no drugs and saddest of all, no women."
So, no problems! Those are like deadly to a man's productivity and long term happiness. Never had alcohol, NEVER been on drugs and never been with someone else than my wife. No women is a great thing, you need just ONE and you don't need the others at all! Think of the time you lost (or keep loosing) to all those pointless things, those parties, those flirting, searching for people on social media, constantly messaging, socialising etc. You need time for yourself and you need it now! You need a break even from your beloved one's, be it an hour a day or a day in a week, you need to be all alone, without anything like booze and no social media too. That will make you bored and that's what you are going for! A bored mind is capable of having breakthroughs. When we constantly bombard ourself with things to do, we don't let out mind wander freely in the realms of imagination. Boredom is a cure to the modern worlds biggest illness.
Go out and get bored! You'll be amazed how much it will effect your life.
Thanks man.. Great advice.
I must say that all those things have never even seemed alluring to me.. Most of my friends think I might be broken 😀. And I'm tired of telling them that i am not depressed. I'm just apathetic
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