Ever Felt Like Something Is Holding You Back?

flipfloprebel (51)in #life • 7 years ago

THEN...

That’s the story of my life – and my deep-rooted belief!

I love adventure, I love personal growth, I love inspiring others and I love being surprised by people, chances, and opportunities.

It’s really amazing: whenever I’m craving something, whenever I’m really really in urgent need of something (like money, security, new clients, relationship)…it just never happens. No, some things even get worse!

Do you know these situations? When you feel like something is holding you back, but you just don't know what it is?

A lot of people told me: you just have to wish for it really really really strong and it will come true.

Well, It seems that for me it just doesn’t work this way. Why? Because I’m just following others. I’m just adapting the believe system of other people and I’m not even sure if it really works for them. I have to trust what they tell me.

I realized that the more I craved something, the harder it was to get it. The more I needed money for paying my rent, the more bills I had to pay. It was unbelievable: suddenly I received fines for parking violation or my car decided it was time for new brakes.
The money just ran away from me as far and fast as it possibly could.

Same with relationships. Some years ago I was so sick of being alone, I just wanted a partner by my side I could share all my adventures with. All my happy & sad moments, my crazy ideas, my travels, my visions of life.
I craved it so much that I talked about it with a friend of mine constantly. What could we do to meet the perfect guy? Where do you meet a nice guy with similar visions of life? And what the hell do I really want?

During this time, no guy ever approached me. The guys I really liked ran away because I was so focused on having a relationship that I was pretty intense.

Job-wise? Take a guess. I needed more clients, but I didn’t know where to find them. Some clients didn’t pay me, some went bankrupt, and others just didn’t my service anymore.

I was frustrated and desperate. I tried even harder to find all of the above and tadaaa, there you have it:

I was so tensed and stressed-out that for the lack of all of the above I got even more tensed.

I was only focused on what I didn’t have.
I only acted because of a craving for something.
I only lived in a state of absence.

Of course no guy was interested in me because my charisma was more like a dry slice of bread than that of a radiant and happy woman.

My clients felt my need and me asking for more jobs surely didn’t back up my competence.

They say whatever you focus on gets bigger and more prominent in your life and I can absolutely confirm that.

But the really hard part for me was the next step. Now that I realized my behavior, what could I do to change it?
I tried a lot, starting with affirmations, journaling etc.

But I was still so desperate and in lack of money and a loving relationship that nothing really changed.

I had to let go. But that’s easier said than done.

I just knew that my tensed behavior was the reason for the situation I was in.

During that time I decided to pack my backpack and go traveling. I left my apartment, stayed with friends, booked a one-way flight to Bangkok and was gone.

I’m more than aware that this is not the solution for everybody, but it was perfect for me.

Traveling always helped me getting a new perspective. I felt the ease immediately. I felt free, confident, happy and fulfilled.

I just let go of all my sorrows and my “I need this, I want that”. I couldn’t reach this state of mind back home, but here, in companionship with other travelers, backpackers and online entrepreneurs it was easy somehow. I felt inspired and at ease.

During this time I traveled through Southeast Asia again and I heard amazing stories of even more inspiring lives. Every person I met had his very own story to tell and his (or her) own reason for being here.

I learned that whatever happens back home, I’ll always make a living. I could work in a nice hostel or café here in Chiang Mai or Bali, surround myself with positive and inspiring people.

Whatever my current situation: It’s only a phase. It will pass.

When I decide to let go.

As soon as I loosened up I realized this strange feeling sneaking inside me. What was that? What was the name again?

I got it: Faith! I’m not a religious person so I’m not talking about god or anything like that. I just knew that this was the missing link.
I’m a thinker and tend to brood over thing too much. That was the only thing that stood in my way.

I learned to trust in myself, my abilities and my uniqueness.

I was back to listen to myself and my gut instincts again. I felt happy and at ease.

I was back to expect nothing but the unexpected. Adventure. Pleasure.

Just 3 days later my current boyfriend stepped into my life. In my favorite city: Chiang Mai.
In front of my favorite hostel where I always stay when I’m there.

Just when I was happy with myself again and enjoyed spending time with old and new friends, when I didn’t feel like something was missing…I met this incredible guy (I will talk about him and our relationship in another post).
And no, that was not a miracle. Just think about it: my whole me changed. The way I moved, smiled, laughed, talked. My eyes sparkled. My charisma was attractive and infectious. There you have it.

Two weeks after we met I flew to Koh Lanta, a little island in the south of Thailand for living and working with other digital nomads – called “workation”. Again I met amazing people and ever since I’m working closely with some of the most well-known digital nomads of Germany.

We started various projects and collaborations. We’re having meetings and conferences in Europe and Asia and I’m one of the community managers.

So in the end, everything turned out to be alright. No, better than alright, just brilliant!

But I had to learn to let go of my intense need for something. I had to learn not to focus on the things happening outside of me because I can’t control it. I had to learn to focus on my inner life, my thoughts, my believes and my feelings. These are the things I can control. These are the things I can change.

I know that this is not the perfect way for everybody. But it was perfect for me. I opened up and was ready for adventure. I let go of focusing on what I didn’t have. I was ready to expect the unexpected because that’s all we can do. You can’t plan your life right down to the nth detail because so many things happen out of your control.

So if you’re like me just try to let go. It’s hard, I get it. Maybe you have family. Maybe your job is dragging you down. Maybe your friends aren’t supporting you. I get it.

Just take it step by step. Try to shake it off. Take a deep breath. Deeper. Whenever someone is dragging you down say to yourself: I respect you, but I don’t care what you think of me (and please only say it to yourself ;) )