Stop Fixing Yourself

We get it. There is always something that we need to feel better. Doesn’t matter how rich, smart, popular we get, there’s always more. If you are starting at a lower level, something simple can be your fix. Instead, if your life is already developed enough, there’s a next level to reach to be fine.

There’s a difference between how this concept can be the basis of your happiness or the cause of your misery. It all stems from the meaning you give to it.

When the place it grows from is scarcity, there’s a need. It’s strong. The thing that you are chasing is something that you must have to complete you. It can be something utterly stupid, as a beer. In my case, I often feel this when I’m driving and there’s no music on. In my head, the scene is hilarious. “I need music or I’ll go crazy!”. Then I’ll jam some The Neighborhood song, just to feel a bit of relief. I feel safe. Then I reach my destination, and of course I get off the car and start to walk. Now the world looks worse without some dirty-sounding-anxiety-reminding guitar riff that is playing all around me.

This is the biggest problem with things we need out of scarcity. They give us temporary relief. When it wears off, we feel bad.
Now I have to talk to people. Uggh, that seems so heavy. It’s so difficult to relate. Why don’t you all just shout “Sweater Weather” all together so that what you are saying doesn’t bother me or put me in a place where I’m worried of what I have to say.

If this is the effect of some music, money or success is way worse. The high is stronger, but when that thing ends… It’s the end of the world. You understand that you chased a phantom. Everything you did to get there was worthless. You are now the same person with a bunch of stuff to distract yourself with, and another bunch to complain about. Your life goals fall, and you are lost.

“I did everything I always have been told, and I’m not happy as I’ve been promised. I’m a fool.”

The second option is to do all things from a place where what you are going after is not going to complete you. I know what you are thinking. “Why the hell should I chase something that I don’t care about, that will not give me that sense of completeness?”. Because nothing will. Take that in for a second. Nothing will fill the void that you fill 24/7.

So, what do we do with our lives? First, love that we are alive. I always hated so hard sentences as “Be grateful for what you have”, “You only get one life, live it fully”. Man, I struggle to get out of bed, don’t tell me what to do.

But after a while, I understood that that way of acting wasn’t bringing me to what I wanted. Even if I achieved stuff, I always felt worse. Happiness has always been an obsession for me, so I had to try this out too. Well, didn’t work. Tried to love my life, but the more I tried, the less I did. The reason? Because the starting point was that I had to do something in particular to enjoy my life.

Doing nothing is phenomenal, and even better with an enormous rock in front of you, with some water around it
That was the turning point. It wasn’t about the effects, it was about the cause. I realized that nothing in me could be fixed, because I was not broken to begin with. You are not broken. None of us is.

Whatever assumption you begin with, is what will be reinforced through your actions. The action itself is neutral, and it can become positive or negative depending on the meaning we give it. Understand what you really need, what you really want, and do not chase what others tell you is better, nor what your addiction attracts you to.

Every moment you have the possibility of ending the constant pain of trying to become perfect, and starting as complete and perfect, but not finished.