Confession of a Cellphone Addict

I’m guilty, your honor.

Don’t even bother going through cross examination, I confess. It’s all on me. 100%. Guilty as charged.

You want evidence? Here’s a sordid summary:

• My cellphone is the first thing I touch in the morning, and the last thing at night.
• I’ve forgotten to bring my wallet when I leave home on many occasions, but never my cell for some reason.
• I check every notification on my phone, immediately, without fail.
• I worry more about my phone running out of juice than myself running out of water.
• I can recite the number of likes I got on my last 5 instagram photos.
• I don’t have a name for my phone, but I do feel calmer every time I touch it.
• It takes all of my willpower to NOT play with my phone when I’m bored at a social event.
• I feel an instant connection when I hear another person using the same ringtone as mine.

What, you want me to stop, your honor? I could go on...really. There’s so much more. What? You’ve heard enough? Alright. What’s the verdict then?

Cold turkey? What do you mean? That’s too harsh your honor. I can’t...I just can’t...for the love of god and all that’s holy, have mercy!

What’s that? Max 1 hour a day? How am I supposed to keep trac...oh, there’s an app for that? Ok, should have known.

Alright, I will try it… I mean, I will do it your honor! Yes sirree, starting tomorrow. What’s that? Effective immediately? But I’m in the middle of a reddit flame war… What? Contempt of court? Okay okay, I will start right now.

One last thing, can I have a selfie with you, your honor?