Let that sh#t go! Confessions of a Perfectionist

Hi again!  How have you been?  I missed you actually steemit!  I am excited about this site, (even though I definitely don't understand it all that's for sure) but it's super cool and has got me thinking about things, my life and things I want to share.  I have always loved writing, it promotes healing through clarity of the mind and expression of your deepest, sometimes dark feelings, but that's what needs to be explored!  At some point, the sooner the better I guess..  we've got to face ourselves, our dreams, our demons, our truest self.  We all have regrets don't we?  It's a part of life to look back and wish we did better, wish WE WERE BETTER.  Those regrets involve a part of us that is not truly us.  Our truest self wouldn't possibly have been so stupid, so naive, so immature, so mean, so OUT OF OUR DIVINE POWER.  WE HAVEN'T ALWAYS KNOWN WE WERE CREATORS, SO IT'S OKAY!  I wish I could take back a thing or two SURE.  I would NOT however, take away the lesson that was bestowed upon me as a result of my actions.  I am overwhelmed by the Grace that has touched my life.  The people around me, this universe and how it is ever changing and evolving and so am I.  So, let's move on.

Okay, I had a confession to make!

Yearning for perfection has been a major major downfall for me ever since I was young.  I had this idea in my head that I had to be a certain way, act a certain way and just be perfect at everything, or I was a failure.  I was so AFRAID OF FAILURE that I was paralyzed.  Always an introvert, I hugged mom's leg first day of school.  Quiet, thoughtful, polite and pretty.  I excelled in school until I got to my teens and started caring what everyone thought.  The pressure that is put on adolescents seriously!  Girls ESPECIALLY.  As soon as I realized that I wasn't perfect, BOOM.  Earth shattering!  

A lot of this feeling may have stemmed from my circumstance growing up.  I grew up in a fairly affluent, suburban town, in a pretty tight nit community, where perfection is the expected.  That's what everyone is striving for. Being better, prettier, smarter, more popular, being rich, being sexy, being cool, and for me,  it was being a bit of a bad ass too.  Ask me about the time I took my dad's porsche out for a joyride with a bunch of girlfriends at 14!!!  (OMG, I wouldn't take that back ;)  

Because for every time I get angry, that the dinner I'm making isn't turning out exactly like that dish in the photo, and for every time I just don't pick up that project or write about that idea, for all those times... there are countless, infinite possibilities.  

Possibilities for joy, for learning, growing, laughing.  Life isn't so serious!  Without imperfections, without mistakes, without mutations in the genetic code that makes up our universe, we would live in such a boring place! We would all be the same!  The fabric of life shouldn't be woven so tight that some humor and drunken splendor shouldn't be enjoyed sometimes!  The cracks in our person, the imperfect being in this world needs to be exposed and revered in order for pure light and pure joy to enter!  Fall in LOVE with your imperfections because that is where you find Grace and Truth.

These are some of the things I've been pondering and I thought that maybe someone else out there feels the PUSH TO BE SOMETHING.. is holding you back.  I know I'm not the only one.  So if that is you, I want you to say something out loud with me.  And say it to yourself in the mirror everyday.  Ready?

"I vow that I will not let one moment be wasted, ever again, feeling not good enough.  I am here to make a mess and start all over again.  It is my birthright to make mistakes and be at fault sometimes.  My genius is awakening with every moment of awareness.  I make the world a better place by being me."

There is a quote by one of my favorite mystics and poet that reminds me of the brokenness of this human existence, and the beautiful chaos that shakes us to the core.  There is no greater art work, there is no more beautiful song,  than a life lived without fear.

A tumult of drunkeness
Falls from Heaven
Falling from this height
Breaks the world apart

-Rumi

PEACE & LOVE

jaimelee