my deepest condolences. Nothing as hard as loosing your mother. I can tell darling. I will never loose the feeling, the first moment my mama past, and i thought omg mum is gone, it was like i looked up and a truck came driving towards me, the fear the sadness the loss of untold words and sentences. No way of escaping it, you can not run fast enough. devastation. I have lost her 4 years ago on second xmas day. The day before xmas so xmas eve, we rolled her on a chair to us on the table, we ate chinese take away and she had a tilapia filet, its what she liked. She could not say anything anymore, we had to read in her face what she want and how. The devastation goes away slowly like water going down, the sadness stays the unbelievable missing stays. eventually you stop crying by each mum you hear. I wish you strength and lots of love for these nearly not bearable days.... big hug!