6 Steps to Conquer Fear
There is a voice inside all of us that tells us we aren’t good enough. The voice that "knows" you are a fraud. The voice that says “Today would be a great day to stay hidden under the covers" "Let's check Facebook one more time," or "Just one more drink." I call this voice The Fear.
The Fear thrives in the dark corners of our mind. We've all felt it when we worry about the future or obsess about the past. But the fear does not survive long when we are brave enough to face it directly. Fear runs from the light of our sustained attention. Fear can be conquered. Here is how.
1. Breathe
When dealing with any situation of stress or anxiety, take a few moments first to breathe in deeply. This will not eliminate the fear, but it will relax your body and calm your mind. Spend one minute breathing deeply and focusing on nothing but your breath and your present moment experience.
There are plenty of studies to support the value of relaxed, deep breathing, and never is it more important then when facing the fear. During this time of deep breathing, try to focus on just the immediate physical sensations, not the thoughts behind them. Do you feel a tightness in your chest? Nausea in your stomach? A tension in your skull? Don’t try to suppress these symptoms, just observe them with a spirit of curiosity. Understand the specifics of what your body is interpreting as fear, and you will find they have less power over you as you breathe with each sensation.
2. Reframe
Remember that fear is there to help you. It doesn’t feel like it in the moment, but realize that fear is a response evolved to prevent you from entering into dangerous situations. This instinct served us well when we were in danger of being eaten by wild animals, but today that kind of threat is rare. Fear manifests in modern life primarily as a response to our need to be accepted. In ancient times, being deemed unacceptable by one’s tribe meant almost certain death (or at minimum an unpleasant life with little chance to procreate).
Today, there are millions of tribes to join at the click of a button, but this fear still drives us. Understand that your fear is here to help you- it is pointing at something in your life that needs attention and focus. You can use that focus to improve and grow. As much as possible, be grateful for it.
3. Define
Take a close look at whatever you feel is causing the fear response, and define the worst case scenario that could come from this situation. If you do poorly at the company meeting, will you lose your job? If so, what will happen? How would you deal with this situation if it happened? Be as explicit as possible and write down all of your nightmare scenarios.
You will find that none of them are nearly so scary when they are written out. Even if they are still bad, your mind will almost immediately begin thinking of ways to mitigate these worst case scenarios – which were causing far more anxiety when vague and undefined.
4. Accept
Once you’ve written out the worst case scenarios for everything, pretend like they have all already happened. You’ve blown the interview. Lost the job. Been rejected. Visualize the events as in the past. Accept these nightmare consequences and realize that, in most cases, everything will still be ok. People are incredibly resilient to change and incredibly bad predictors of how happy or sad something will make them. Even your nightmares can become blessings in disguise.
5. Take Action
Now that you’ve accepted the worst case scenario, start writing down some concrete things you can do to improve that scenario. Take the first step as soon as possible. Try to plan one step you can take each day, no matter how small, to help make things better or to cultivate better options for the future. The very fact that you are taking action will provide comfort, even before the reality of your situation improves.
6. Let Go
If you have followed these steps, you have now defined your fear and are taking at least one concrete step everyday to face it. Beyond this, realize that you do not control the outcome of your life.
As much as possible, let go of your attachment to the results of your actions. None of us can predict the future, and as much as we might like to believe otherwise, we have limited control over its outcome. We can, however, control how we react to the events of our lives and how we frame the situations we are in.
Holding on to fear and anxiety about that which we can’t control does far more harm than good. Pay attention to those sensations when they arise and breathe with them until they dissipate. If necessary, come back to these steps and repeat them to prevent fear from controlling you.
We all must face fear in our lives. It is the price we pay for exploring our world and pushing against the boundaries of our own limitations. Fear will always be a part of any creative life. There is nothing shameful about it. Be grateful that your life is one that triggers fear and know that you share this same feeling with billions of others. Fear does not define you, but how you handle it will.
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"In ancient times, being deemed unacceptable by one’s tribe meant almost certain death (or at minimum an unpleasant life with little chance to procreate)."
How true...one of the Mysteries of life...I often remind myself "wait this will not kill me nor get me shunned, what's with all of the fight/flight hormones flooding into me? No sabretooth detected, chill out"
LOL...it's called thousands of years of primal instict buried into our subconscious.
In the end - "the only thing we have to fear is fear it's self" - President Roosevelt
This is a fantastic post -- well done.
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