Darkness In His Heart

He would rather die than see those he love suffer. Yet love was something he lacked on all levels. Depression, loneliness, emptiness were his friends, why wouldn't they be, for the most part they've been the only thing keeping him sane and alive on a dark twisted complicated level. So he searched for a coping mechanism and yet he gathered more hobbies. He had friends a lot actually, most saw him, others knew him, few knew what he was.
He was the whole package both good and evil in one, hmmm really getting tired of referring to myself in the third person ah its so stressful, funny right? but thats what makes it cool, cool cool something we all deeply want to become, thats for another day.
I’m guessing all this started when responsibilities of an adult reared its ugly hydra head and the ever non stop exercise of trying to make ends meet, the ends which never ever seem to meet by the way. Give your life to Christ they said but religion was not something he wanted to dabble in.
There he was the only thing he needed was a way out, a way out from this life a way out of depression a way out of loneliness just a way out, obviously he turned to alcohol just like in the movies, why wouldn't he, for the most part he was indeed a nasty guy inside but what could he do being that was one of the nasty hobbies I picked up on my way self-discovery.
He knew there was darkness in his heart the problem was he wanted it out but he loved it at the same time he wanted the light but rejected it at the same time. And the everlasting battle for which to accept continues, just as it is with every goddamn human.