Pediatric Nurse Practitioner Diaries: Thoughts That *Tear* Through My Mind

1.  A THONG?  Seriously young lady?  For a medical check-up?

2. Parent & child matching TATTOOS? Freaking seriously? This is weird! 

3. Who’s being inappropriate when I actually take the cell phone from your hand during YOUR appointment? SERIOUSLY, PUT DOWN THE CELL PHONE! – WE ARE TALKING! Yes, you too Mom & Dad!

4. ARE YOU SEXUALLY ACTIVE? Why does this require a definition? You really are going to make me guess the graphic details step by step, aren’t you?

5. WHY did you PIERCE YOUR NIPPLES? Didn’t that hurt?

6. WHERE do you get the ALCOHOL / DRUGS from?

7. Seriously, Mom? You’re asking your teenage child if “they want” vaccines. Who’s parenting who?

8. So are you WORRIED that you haven’t had a period in the past 3 MONTHS?

9. YOU are only 15 years old and you WANT A BABY? WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I’M TOTALLY AT A LOSS here!

10. Why are you wearing a “HOUSE ARREST” TRACKING DEVICE? Damn that device is big!