The Awakening - Not Fit In or Stand Out

My dearest Steemian friends,

I like to share some of my deepest feelings and experiences with you that I have only shared with my other half. With sharing these feelings, I am very well aware how vulnerable I have made myself. I am hoping that I may find others in this community that can relate as well and therefore share their own experience.

Since I was very small, I knew that I was different compared to others from my age. I had other interest and felt that I did not fit in. E.g. while others would think about going out dancing or talk about fashion, it left me completely cold. Instead, my thoughts were only on spiritual subjects and I had constantly paranormal experiences, which over time became normal. I thought and hoped that these feeling and experiences would change over the years. And they did, they got worse...the feelings and experiences became stronger and led so now and then to emotional break downs leaving me crying and desperate.

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I also taught myself not to share any of these with anyone anymore, as it made me vulnerable but also because I could not find anyone who could understand. To most, it is just a very nice story to allocate some time to. I am a Christian and thought I would found the answer in Church and their leaders. But I did not, as I found myself questioninig many rituals and even caught myself disagreeing with the pastor because of his interpretation of a few Bible scriptures. E.g. can you remember the event when Moses climbed the mountain to meet with God and to receive the tablets? The people were waiting for days at the mountain foot and created a golden calf to worship. It was wrong in God's eyes, wasn't it?

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Today in church we have statues made of stone representing Jesus or His mother and people knee in front of these statues and say their prayers. Do we differ from the people at the foot of the mountain I asked the pastor? He did not understand while it was straight forward I felt. "Do not give me the symbolic crap, you should know better", I told the pastor.

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To avoid conflicts with my innerself, I taught myself to value and concentrate on those things in religion which I know are truth and leave the rest for what it is. I came to understand that everyone has their own classes to finish and move up (in spriritual growth) when tests have been passed successfully. I have also learnt that my Church is inside of me as the body is our Temple where He resides. I have found Him there and reunited. Since then my journey got more intense than ever...

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I caught myself being able to literally feel others emotions. I tested this ability out on strangers passing on the streets. Just like the saying:Putting yourself in the shoes of the other. If you were able to do that, you would have difficulties to literally feel and bear the pain of others. I was able to do that. It felt like jumping into someone elses body and for a few seconds feel their pain and sorrow but sometimes also their joy. It caused me to cry and be sad at times, while being aware that these were not my feelings, but someone elses.

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My journey deepened more. I became aware that Earth was not my home, but my Home was with our Creator somewhere else. I felt disconnected and wanted to go Home again...patiently waiting for Him to get me back. I got the feeling of being left behind with strangers. I also became very angry whenever someone would make incorrect statements about our Father or His Words. I am also not able to watch a movie of Christ as it would make me very emotional. It felt like old memories popping up. I could really feel all the emotions in each scene. I also found out that whenever someone would talk to me about God and His teachings, I would start to answer questions with a Wisdom that is not mine. At the same time I am very well aware and let the person know that these are not my words but His.

I love people, but have great difficulties to understand their actions (words, deeds and even thoughts) that causes others to get hurt, suffer or even lose their lives. How more sorry's do we have to say before humanity would start to understand the higher meaning of life? Look into your own surroundings involving your own actions. No need to look at other districts, states or even countries. Just right in your own home. All you need is to be consciously aware of your own actions before you set out to carry them out.

I Am Awake...I am a simple person, just like all of you. Not a preacher, not a church going member, but for sure I am One with Him. That much I know by experience. He showed me the big day where He would come to collect His priceless possessions...His people.

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Please be prepared and start packing. It will be the last fly out.

Love you all. Thanks for spending your time to this post.