Toxic People Are Good For You

in #life7 years ago (edited)

It has become quite popular nowadays to avoid anything we don't fancy. Part of the reason is due to the abundance of choices around us. The main reason though, in western countries at least, is that we tend to shove our heads far deeper in our asses than everyone else.

Since this topic is largely speculative, I will try and give it a personal twist. In doing so, I hope to deliver my point more accurately. Without further adieu, here it goes.

Life, involves variety. Ups and downs. Negatives and positives. Growing up in a rural village, I learned this truth the hard way. I had friends around me that were assholes. Others seemed to always be obnoxiously nice and positive. I was hanging out with people that bullied me as much as I did with people that praised me. In a great extent I remember it could relate to the feral cats of my neighborhood. One minute we were fighting over stupid reasons and the next minute everything was cool and dandy.

Every single friend I made was through fights. If it wasn't physical, it was surely over debates. The reason this behavior appealed to me, was because I got to know people instead of masked puppets. I used to fight a lot as kid. I still have the belief that if you haven't got into a fight with another human being, you have no fucking clue who you really are. Deep down, we are animals after all. Even if one has not engaged in a physical fight, they will surely make it show either online, or worse, turning on their own selves.


I know all these are far stretched — hence why I wanted to keep this post more personal. I wanted to share these thoughts because what I see today around me is rather nauseating. Many people seem to be chasing the positive experience as if life is about pink ponies farting rainbows and candy. Whenever they see someone that doesn't agree with them —criticizes or invokes in any way negativity — they immediately label them as Toxic, effectively removing them from their life. Fights? What fights? What a primitive state of being that is!

The end result: Giant safe-space jerk-circles form. In a greater extend this is why the 'Motivational Culture' has formed. "Everyone can succeed", "Everyone can become a millionaire" ... failing to understand that if everybody was a millionaire everybody will be equally poor. If everyone succeeded equally in their domain then value would disappear. I could never understand how mature adults with over two decades of experience on this planet walk into those conferences with their I.Q. matching the room temperature.

What most people call toxic, I call invigorating. Without negativity and pessimism I would never be able to be a rational realist. Instead, I would more likely form a glass bubble where everything would seem to reinforce my own delusions. An echo-chamber where the rules inside my special circle are different.


Thing is, life doesn't care about the safe spaces that we build. No matter how much we try to hide negativity and "attract positivity", at some point it will bitchslap us so hard we won't be able to make a come-back. The epidemic with anxiety and depression today occurs exactly because people lack skin in the game. They get too softened up with the 'positive', any 'negative' experience seems to be devastating.


source

I admit that some people can afford to build bubbles and effectively keep themselves barricaded. Having money surely enables such state of being. For most us though, taking this path and buying into the narrative, can be catastrophic.

How can one form healthy relationships when the hardest thing they experienced is a text book "constructive criticism"? We all took that business class. We all read that article. Thing is, more often than not, these sidetracked theatrics end up being politically correct rhetorics, obscuring the importance of friction and conflict that foster healthy relationships.


Another worrying part of this false narrative is the propensity these individuals have to dramatize every single fucking thing. Since real problems don't occur, small things become huge issues. There is too much sugar in the coffee. The maid was lazy this morning. I gained two pounds and I will look ugly at the beach. No gluten free? What a terrible restaurant! First World problems that turn us more and more into obnoxious spoiled brats.

Allow me to take the toxic label and apply it to the positive thinking crowd. Whenever I see someone overly optimistic about something, I start worrying. Sorry to break it to you but the world involves more negativity due to what physicists call "the second law of thermodynamics". Aka, give it enough time and all things get messed up. This is how most people became so addicted in finding happiness. Those loopholes of 'positive' are so rare that everyone is behaving like a crack whore with withdrawal symptoms.

If you doubt this, take a step outside and look up at the sky. Almost every single point of light you observe is a nuclear explosion with the deadly radiation coming towards us. If it ever reaches our small rock we will all evaporate. If space looks all too depressing but way too far away for you, here on this planet 75% of the inhabitants don't have food, water and shelter on a daily basis. You do. Simple economic principles dictate that most people won't ever succeed no matter how much they try, no matter how many Tony Robbins mantras they repeat. Simply put, the concept of value and success is dependent on scarcity, not abundance.


These are not toxic thoughts. This is what is actually happening all around us. I would suggest to the positive thinking crowd to invite the toxic in their life. They might even built anti-fragility for the unfortunate events that will surely come sooner or later. Like Ayn Rand said "You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality".




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Fights make you a fighter, debating (and losing) is what gives you knowledge and accepting the hard reality of life and doing something to correct as many 'negatives' as you can, is what gives you those occasional moments of happiness.

Great article man.

Awesomely said. thank you.

@kyriacos In my humble opinion. I will avoid them.

Cheers,
@yehey
https://QUE.com - I follow all who followed me. I think that's fair :)

Very inciteful bit about "everybody was a millionaire everybody will be equally poor." FB has become a cesspool of the leftover Occupy crowd. Those still upset (reasonably) about their position in life, and how to re-socially engineer our economy so everyone gets some of the action. But if everyone could afford anything, then eventually the prices of such things would just inflate until we are back in the same position we are in today. Those w/the means to "make it," will be at the top again, in no time. While the "99%" would be forced to play this whole game over again....In general these universal income proponents really make me wanna punch a puppy....;) Don't forget the unicorn farts!!

Couldn't agree more with this. Seriously one of my most favorite articles I have read in a long time. Understanding, growth and wisdom will always stem from positive and negative experiences. But actually learning from them determines how much we grow

In the west, those of us who are seeing this happen are calling it "feels over reals". Facts and objectivity no longer seem to matter in this culture, as long as you "feel" it, it must be true. If what you feel goes against, say, thousands of years of science, then science must be "racist/sexist/homophobic" or whatever other ism you can come up with. Identity politics rule the day. Our left-wing academics openly profess that they are Marxist or Communist and that all our problems are due to the racist, white patriarchy.

Personally, I am already quite wary of what I say on the platform here, ensuring that nothing can be misconstrued.

Pretty sure you don't have to worry about that here! Well said. :)

I always chuckle when someone says "that doesn't resonate with me" as if it is some kind of evolved sense they have developed when the truth is they just don't like what they are hearing & affix an "untrue" label onto it.

You said it perfectly. On my page you can say whatever you want really.

Yup, just recently had a debate about "Why I am not a conspiracy theorist anymore" and the other person would reefer to feelings for just about every single argument.

If you feel like it :P
https://steemit.com/philosophy/@clayboyn/why-i-stopped-being-a-conspiracy-theorist
and it evolved/mutated into:
https://steemit.com/spiritual/@clayboyn/why-aren-t-we-answering-each-other

I agree. Dismissing those who don't agree with you as "toxic" is possibly the most toxic thing you can do in any relationship.

precisely

Contrast is beautiful. We cant really avoid it.

Yes I agree we do need people in our lives that challenge us. Since you mention unicorn farts. Did you know they were able to harness those into a new product? ;)

oh dear mother of god.

Word... :o
Next time somebody dismisses me, and in effect my opinion, as one that belongs to a pessimist/nihilist, I'm totally showing them this!
Cheers mate!

You are very fucking welcome dudess

Fuck, this post has got to be in my top 3 I've ever come across. Some real talk right here! I only repost high-quality content, and this is getting re-posted asap! Upvoted and I already follow you but I would follow again if I could. The bit about people being obnoxiously nice to the point they're fake👌🏻

Glad I reached out man. thank you

You are spot on, modern way of life and education produced this new ˝cripple olympic˝ generation, which aspire to ascend to bottom instead to a top.

I can almost picture your words as a satirical illustration

Nowadays ,in western society, if you say something slightly against the dominating ideologies, people start screaming and calling you names, (sexist,fascist,homophobe,racist.....) exactly like little children do. it means they never developed the skills to backup their ideas and have no clue how to win a fight. Instead, they all conform to the mainstream politically correct, even if way down in their heart they know they are pathetic hypocrites.

'spoiled and over-protected' pretty much sums it up

I had a couple of thoughts about this topic, but I did really enjoy your analysis overall. The first was that at some point people lost the ability to be content where they are at in life. On the very likely chance I never become a millionaire, I am fine with it! Meh. I enjoyed the journey of life where I have been, and some of that has been in the low SES status! I know people who look for opportunities to work enough in a day to put the roof and food on the table, but that's it. A day job a couple days a week, then the rest of the time to do whatever they feel like. Not go for gold, but scrape by since they prefer the time over the wealth. Not that everyone needs to scrape by, but more people could use a shake to their perspectives regarding those mantras.

On the flip side of that, there is a lot of Positive Psychology that I liked as I studied it. It was not about making everything around you safe for you; rather the focus on things that build resilience. I know that I personally reflect on 3 things a day that I am grateful for, because I want to make sure that I personally do not obsess over what went "wrong". The extreme of these ideas (I believe) is the use of social media to surround yourself with 'yes men'. The people that do not agree, unfriend them. That behavior is exactly what you seem to be challenging, and for that I definitely upvoted! ^_^

I agree with you. But I tend to stick. With misfits, to establish an common language. And teach. Was always, like that. :)

thank you for the thoughtful comment. much appreciated