Philip Seymour Hoffman - The First Celebrity Death to Ever Make me Cry.

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I saw "Punch-Drunk Love" for the first time last night and it got me thinking about Philip Seymour Hoffman.

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I was so influenced by Philip Seymour Hoffman. He came to Orlando when I was living there to speak but it was over $100 a ticket and at the time I couldn't afford to swing it but I would have gladly if I could. That is how much I respect him and his work.

He has been in SO MANY good films but the first one I saw personally was "Magnolia" which, to this day, remains one of my favorite films. I also saw him in a film that not many have seen called "Love Liza" where he played a gasoline junkie that was holding onto a letter he hadn't read from his dead wife. Philip Seymour Hoffman picked roles in movies that really stuck with me. His performances were amazing, some of the best acting I have ever seen in my life and I found myself actually connecting to him as a person too.

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I used to scoff at the idea of people crying and mourning a celebrity death...that is until Philip Seymour Hoffman died. I had been waiting to see a T.V. series for showtime called "Happyish" where he was set to play a man with depression who is medicated. I was eagerly waiting for him to portray this role. After his death he was replaced by Steve Coogan. I had no interest in watching Happyish with Steve Coogan. I still haven't watched it.

I cried when he died but didn't sob. I more had a dark cloud of depression wash over me and I was stuck in it for awhile. You see I myself have struggled with drug addiction my entire life so to find out this youngish man with a family and 3 children who had been clean for so many years died after one relapse...it hurt. Seeing people I respect lose battles to addiction and mental illness will always affect me.

I still think of all the work Philip Seymour Hoffman would have done if he had lived. How much more we would be blessed with his amazing talent. How much more I could have been influenced by his mere existence. I felt robbed and I thought of how robbed his family must feel. Their partner. Their father.

Mimi O'Donnell was his partner and she has publicly talked about her extreme grief. She made it clear it was still strong when asked how she was feeling just 15 months after his death. It breaks my heart to think of what she must be feeling. But really, I know to some degree. I have lost some of the closest people to me due to drugs. Not my partner though. Not the father of my children.

"She told the Times: 'I was pretty stubborn in my falling apart - and my kids saw all of it, because they should.
'What, am I going to hide it from them? I don’t want them to hide it from me."

I just wanted to do a post about this man because he really influenced me and touched me time and time again. I am tearing up as I write this blog. We lost a great person 3 years ago due to the ugly, nasty, terrible heroin. Fuck you heroin, stop taking our people.

I will finish off this blog will a relevant quote from the great Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Thank you for enriching my life and may you rest in peace.