Symbiosis and learning a new skill
My post "Waking up, letting go and discovering me" mentions a few points I would like to expand on.
1.1. When I "woke up" in 2015 I had healed myself from my depression by recognising a distinction between "me" and my thoughts. Now I can focus my mind, observe my own thought processes and thus filter them out if they are negative or not useful "right now". I am letting myself run the show now there is a more symbiotic relationship between "I" and "myself".
1.2. During the weekend of the 19th to the 22nd of April 2018 after a period of about 2 and a half years with a gradually increasing sense of inner peace, I had been having deep philosophical thoughts and I was inspired and compelled to actually start writing them down.
1.3. The first things I had written during that weekend became useful for me to reflect on just a couple of days later.
It seems strange that I started to write down philosophical musings during the weekend before I would need it in order to help me deal with some "stuff", reflect and take the next step on my path of letting go and discovering me.
Two things about that weekend I have not mentioned yet;
2.1. One of my best friends had given me a Tiger's Eye crystal because they were worried about me after I had resolved a kind of conflict with them. I have since given it back to them as I feel as though it has helped already.
2.2. I had tried meditation for the first time on the Friday evening going into that weekend.
I am not quite sure if this was beginners luck or not but during the meditation I managed to reach a state of focus and inner peace coupled with pure intense pleasure like I never experienced before. Eventually my entire body was vibrating! I held that state, resonating, for about 1 hour and 20 minutes. I was still aware of what was going on around me (nothing!) but trying not to hold on to a single passing thought. It felt so intense at one point it seemed as though I would lift out of my physical body. My breathing had changed as though I was almost asleep. Eventually I acknowledged that I should slowly relax out of that state and start to take back "control" of my body.
I have spoken to a few people who have tried or regularly practice meditation and they were impressed at what I described as my first experience. It took a while before I felt like I would try that again, but I have now tried twice since that weekend and managed to reach the same state. It feels like I can almost bring on a glimpse of it quite easily whenever I like now, for example sitting in traffic, waiting at a shop checkout, admiring a view or going to sleep.
It seems as though the meditation could be the trigger for my compulsion to write my thoughts down and the continued flow of philosophical musings. I'm remembering some things from the distant past and I have also had an incredible boost in creativity with my guitar playing and had several big ideas for a couple of businesses and music events which are really picking up traction!
I believe that my "new skill" of filtering my thoughts (point 1.1 above) has been practised for long enough now that I have inadvertently trained myself to be a good meditator (it's a word!) Perhaps the symbiosis I describe is more like a point in a triangle representing "intuition" where that point serves to monitor and harmonise the other two points; thoughts (or ego) and self (or soul/ spirit). Whatever it is.. its deep :)
Its after that weekend that I am driven to explore my spiritual side further and that is where things are starting to get more interesting.. or I'm going crazy, but whatever really. :)