The years went by and Ferb was healthy but grew no more stems. At one point, he started looking less green and had more of a yellowish hue to him, and even though I was still watering him once a week or so, I feared he might wither. I took him out of my window and placed him a bit away from the sun, thinking that might be the reason. He got a little bit better after that, and the stems he had grown before got even bigger.

Then I went through a hard period of my life. I was struggling with a lot of things, including depression, and I decided I needed a change. I started planning to leave the country and move abroad, and in the mean time I also decided that Ferb could use a bigger space than he had, because the container he was in couldn’t hold his new weight. I wanted him to produce new stems so I could find a way to give them to my friends and they could grow their own cacti again. I bought a new bigger pot for him, some new soil and replanted him. And boy that went wrong.

I couldn’t find any pictures of that stage, but my Ferb got stunted: he wouldn’t grow and he started to wither again. Around that time I had left the country for a couple of months, trying to find a better future for myself, like many other Venezuelans. That... also went wrong and I had to come back soon to my country, only to find my poor Ferb was nearly dying.

I gotta admit I felt I was withering too, I felt incredibly sad and frustrated, I felt trapped in this country with no possibility to grow and right when I had the chance to change environments I realized I couldn’t grow there either… just like Ferb. Why was that?

Understanding growth

There are many things that allow plants to be stunted:

• Nutrient deficiencies
• Dehydration
• Viruses
• Containers

No matter how well a plant is cared for, placing it in a container may stunt its growth. When grown in a pot, the roots of plants will expand, reaching outwards until contacting the sides of the container. Once they do so, the roots send a message to the plant, telling it to stop growing, according to the BBC, and the plant naturally limits its own size. Placing plants in larger pots, however, allows them to grow bigger.

Source

When a plant is stunted it can never reach its full potential. I thought Ferb had a lot of potential, that’s why I decided to replant him. I also thought I had a lot of potential… why was a change of “container” not enough?

Here’s when my granny came to the rescue haha.

She has always had a way with plants, to the point where I always tell her that she must have been a witch of sorts in another life haha. She took my Ferb out of the pot I had carefully chosen for him and she planted him somewhere else, she mixed some of the soil he was in with another soil that had proven to be rich in nutrients, she would water him about 2 times a week and she started talking to him every day.

Change was immediate.

Ferb started growing in a way that I never thought he’d be able to and continues to do so... it still surprises me.

_{November, 2014: about a month after my granny replanted Ferb's stems.}

_{February, 2015.}

My own personal growth

Just like a plant’s growth may involve a series of elements that need to work together in order for the plant to remain healthy and strong, personal growth involves mental, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual development that allows a person to live a productive and satisfying life.

I am not much a “mystic” type of person, I could even say I’m a bit of a skeptic, but there’s something inside me that is convinced that the second Ferb started growing out of his stunt, so did I.

Around that time I was still coming out of a very dark stage of my life, I was forced to come back to a place I didn’t feel I fit in, I had no money and no drive and suddenly... I found a great job. That job was a source of a lot of new opportunities to grow professionally, the starting point to achieving a lot of the things I’ve been able to achieve for the past 4 years, professionally and emotionally.

Every time I see a new stem growing out of Ferb I can’t help but think: “that might just be another opportunity coming my way”.

I have changed deeply in these last almost-10-years, I have gained and lost so many things, so many people, and it’s been a hard and painful process but it’s also been an incredible journey.

Ferb reminds me every day that we all go through phases of “stuntedness”, when we feel like we’re stuck, like there’s no space for us to grow, like we’re trapped, just like I still feel living in my country… but we can always get through it, we just have to take good care of ourselves: be sure to plant ourselves in good soil, find the right nutrients for our soul, grow strong foundations, persevere and even accept help from the ones we love. _{(thanks gran!)}

"Even the largest pot was not large enough not to limit growth."

Source

Most days I feel stunted, I still feel limited by my own container(s), but I guess that doesn’t mean that I haven’t grown at all; it means that I am continuously growing.

I think that’s a huge advantage we humans have over plants: we can recognise it when we don’t fit our container anymore and when it’s time to grow out of it. I guess we not only grow as much as our environment let us grow, but also as much as we let ourselves. Either way, I want to be able to break any containers I find my way and grow as much as I can… And you know what? When I look at Ferb I'm certain I will.

Wanna see how Ferb's growing these days?

_{This is how Ferb's wild roots look like. He looks like a rhizome haha}

_{He's grown so many stems that I can't even count them. Some stems have grown stems and those have grown stems as well. Stemception!}

_{Some of these stems are over a meter long! (Yay for better quality pictures!)}

_{July 2018: Full shot of Ferb and a look down my apartment window... yikes. Just concentrate on the cactus haha.}

What do you think?

Check my other posts:

_{Extract of an essay: Rhizome}

_{My series of bilingual writings: Deliriums}

_{Primer Delirio | First Delirium
Segundo Delirio | Second Delirium
Tercer Delirio | Third Delirium
Cuarto Delirio | Fourth Delirium
Quinto Delirio | Fifth Delirium
Sexto Delirio | Sixth Delirium
Séptimo Delirio | Seventh Delirium
Another bilingual poem: Misery}

_{Mis publicaciones sobre Filosofía | My Philosophy related posts}

_{Filosofando Parte I | Philosophizing Part I
Filosofando Parte II | Philosophizing Part II
Filosofando Parte III | Philosophizing Part III}

_{Other posts:}

_{Untold story of an aching soul deserted to the void
Untitled poem
Broadway Enthusiast Catalog: Waitress The Musical
Poema blackout}

Thanks for reading!

Alicia xx