My New Reality

Today I had a little breakthrough. Ever since getting off pain meds and breaking out of a very long depression. I found myself kinda overwhelmed here the last few days. Just a barrage of emotions from everywhere. Yesterday it was my moms passing away earlier this year. The day before that. It was the emotional damage I had caused my wife and kids, that had taken center stage in my head. And before that, I was introduced to a myriad of things that I had left unattended or outright ignored (work, finances, relationships, my health). All because I couldn't deal with my chronic pain, the damn pain meds, or the very long deep depression from the combination of both.

But today when I woke this morning, I had a bit of a reprieve from the guilt, grief, and shame. Today I made a list of all I have left in my life to be thankful for. I could see that not all is lost. I could see I have today to effect some positive changes in my life. And made a list of things that I can take action on. While the list is long. I just needed to do one thing at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. And in doing so I now have a plan. A direction towards peace of mind and a little accomplishment along the way. As of now, I feel better knowing I have a direction in which to go. I'm not stuck regretting the past. But can focus on the present. And give my mind something else to do rather than bet myself up.

Having a plan and implementing it knocks things down to a manageable level. And it gives some peace.
So as today comes to an end. I'm looking forward to what I can do tomorrow. And that's my new reality. And I am greatful for it!