Think With Caffeine log 5

It is the first November. I was thrilled last night when I wrote the previous log. I thought it would be alright but life just punched me once again. I woke up with excruciating back pain,the bank charged me twice for administration work, and so my balance was reset to zero. I will have to be dealing with that very soon, possibly just create a static account or close it down. In addition to that, last night once again, I was almost hit by motorbike while I was walking.

Like goddamnit, can't people here ride responsibly? I am respectful and careful pedestrian already. It's not that I want to get hit again for the thousand times. I had enough and I am in no position to afford any health care or hospital.

However, I felt somewhat grateful to have found a good landlord. They are already like my family. I only hope they won't kick me out for being late in paying my rent. I have been living here for 3 years now and planning to extend for the next 2 years. I can never find any cheaper rent than this place. It's not the best living condition out there but, it is better and I am grateful to have roofs over my head.

There are so many things I learned along the way. At times like this, I remember every experiences,good memories and privileges I had earlier. It was great while it lasted. Now, It is more challenging than ever with my crippling depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety- things that can hit me at any moment. I am trying to persist with all the good habits I develop in hope swooping all the demons away.

Then a family who I do not wish to connect, texted me again. I wish she wouldn't. But I still see her intentions were good as in informing me about my father' condition. The only thing was, she added sprinkle of bitterness, mockery and sarcastic remarks.

Yet overall, I am grateful this year is better than the previous three years where I was working tireless unpaid, barely had any food, clueless and had no idea what to do with my life. It was only after the accident, life began to make sense. Quite adventurous. I could pursue a lifestyle I have always wished for, traveling on my own more than ever, met amazing folks. All I know, whatever happened, happened.

Also, there's a song I love from Eminem titled Beautiful, parts of the lyrics says,

Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably a hundred and ten percent different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you where? I wear tens
Let's see if you can fit your feet.

That's all for now. I need more sleep.

Signed, M.