Well done! And Thanks for putting yourself out there like that! Grammar matters only so much. Stephen King bends it in every other sentence, by the way. I'd recommend fixing one typo, you left "out" off of "drop out"

My biggest critique would be, more pictures! the one at the top is great and using another image or two, if you have any of you in your younger years, would make the story more powerful. Also, the bucket brigade, you did offer it up at the first, but, your reveal came too early. I think your piece might have more power, if you saved it, until you tell us what you managed to accomplish. Just my opinion, (but you signed up for that, right?) LOL Good job, great attitude! Love it!