Home Work

When I woke up today the snow was still falling and everything outside the house was quiet and blanketed in white. Across the street a mad fanny was arsing around with his car as if in any world he would actually be taking it somewhere.

I trotted downstairs and logged into work remotely. Looked like today was a working from home day.

The good lady came down shortly after me with our majestic brood in tow.

It's grim outside isn't it? I don't think I will be able to get the little lady to nursery today.

Definitely not my dear and I shall have to work from home by the looks of it. I shall take my stuff up to the attic so as to be able to work in peace. If you need me you know where I am.

I cheerily lifted my laptop.

Do you not want to work down here?

The good lady asked, slightly suspiciously, as if the attic were a hotbed of masturbation.

I looked at our gaggle of children and ruefully shook my head.

Fraid not chick, I have to do some real work. I can't be distracted!

She looked at me with patent distrust. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed some biscuits and headed off into the mancave my attic workspace.

Upstairs, I opened the work laptop again and started reading a document.

Wait? I hadn't had my morning coffee?! Off I trotted downstairs and started brewing one. The little lady looked at me quizzically.

Daddy, you're meant to be working?

Yes, yes lass, I know.

I quickly made the coffee and ran back upstairs to escape the haranguing from the little lady about not being at my desk.

In the corner of the attic, which I also use as my guitar room, my Jackson guitar glinted seductively at me. I should move it. I really should. It was putting me off my stride.

I went over and picked it up, cor, it was a lovely instrument. Perhaps I should play a little tune. Make sure it was ok?

Daddy! You should be working!

Huh?! Goodness me, I had been playing my guitar and not even noticed the minutes passing. The little lady stood at the top of the stairs with her arms folded.

Of course, you are right lass. I was just moving this old thing.

The little lady laughed and ran away back downstairs.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, work! Right. I went over to the laptop and looked at the document I had open. The first paragraph had seven buzzword/phrases in it and it was only two sentences long. Oh lord.

I set about working with attempted gusto. After a while the window rattled. I got up to investigate what the weather was throwing at us now.

It was just more snow and some wind. I gazed at the snow for a few minutes...

Daddy, why are you staring out the window? Get back to work!

I made a labrador eating tofu face and shoo'ed her away downstairs. Cheeky young lass. I was only looking out the window for a minute.

An hour or so passed. I had actually managed to do some work. I thought I would pop downstairs and make myself another coffee. When I entered the living room, the little lady looked up from her playing.

Daddy, get back to work.

Yes yes, very good.

I made my coffee whilst she followed me about reminding me I was meant to be working. I was relieved to escape back upstairs.

A video conference was starting because hardly anyone had made it into work. I joined in.

Straight away the nonsense talk started of blue skies and deep dives. I did my best to look interested and not stare out of the window.

Ten minutes in, I was replying to some nonsense question that had been asked

Daddy! I just did a poo!!

Several of the talking heads on my laptop screen sniggered. I apologised and paused my broadcast.

Right you.

I took the little lady downstairs and gave her strict instructions not to interrupt my working.

The good lady smiled mischievously.

If the weather is bad are you going to work from home tomorrow?

I rolled my eyes in the direction of my sweet whip cracking boss of a daughter and muttered quietly.

Are you kidding? Give me El Jefe anytime.