No Escape

It was a hectic day. Preparing for Christmas and all manner of nonsense. Finally, the little lady and little boom were sleeping and it was time to relax a tiny bit.

I sat back in my chair and let a big contented sigh whoosh out of me. Now, where was the TV remote control?

The good lady sat down tentatively beside me and looked at me with a serious face.

Is it ok if we talk?

Oh fuckity fuck, here we go. I contemplated throwing the TV remote out of the window. It would be as useful out in the garden as it would be in here now. I fastened on the brightest of smiles. The kindliest of I am here for you, face's.

Of course, my little potato pie. What troubles you on this fine night?

Her eyes darted about like ferrets that had smelled sausage.

So, it was about me going back to work.

Hmm, my little *baw-hum. You are going back to work and that is that. Thought I, crossly in my head.
*_{baw-hum, a colloquial term for when someone makes a humming noise against a testicle, i.e. a baw.}

Goodness my darling, pray tell. What troubles you about going back to work in ten months time? Does the ten months ahead of not working whilst your man slaves away at the coal face weigh heavy on your soul?

She made a squinty shut it or your dead face.

I think...

She was being very tentative. This had my teeth on edge. It was like I had been sent alone to the hold in the Nostromo for toilet paper.

... I am thinking of a career change...

Oh, was that it? What was the big problem with that? If there is one thing you can say for the boom dawg say that he is fully supportive of his good lady and all her adventures in the world. 100 percent chick! I am behind you 100 percent!!

I want to become a Doula.

What!?

My Doula said that I would make an excellent Doula myself.

My mind boggled. What did this mean?

Well, I mean... If you are sure, I mean wow? I did not see that coming.

I could do most of the training from home... Apart from some of it, some of it involves going away to the Red Tent.

The red fucking what? I knew it. That mad dream I had where the Doula's took her. It was all coming true.

The red tent.

I stated flatly.

Yeah, its just four days.

I glared at her with the mad red eyes of the betrayed. She had obviously been subsumed. They were taking her away to some kind of hippy tent? For four days? Would she come back the same person?

This is madness!!

Of course lass. I am behind you one hundred percent.

I murmured with slightly less conviction than I had before.