Thursdays With Uncle Boom #46

I sat and stared at the specimen of Doctoring that sat facing me.

She was a pretty filly. I reckoned she would be a fine one to ride into a storm. Fetlocks blowing in the wind as someone once sang.

She spoke.

So, I am Dr Delphi. Can we begin with some background? What brought you here today?

I giggled. The bottle of whisky I had for my breakfast had made me feel a tad mischievous.

Now there is a question Dr Delphi.

And would you like to answer it Mr Boom?

It's Uncle Boom my dear lady. Uncle. Why the last person who insisted on calling me Mister came to quite the sticky end. However... You may call me Boomy.

Dr Delphi crossed her fine legs. They reminded me of the legs on my mahogany dining table. The two good ones that is. The ones near the window were a little mottled with algae from that time I had the dinner party in the Amazon.

Apologies, Boomy. I am sorry to hear that your friend came to a sticky end. Were you close?

I snorted and pulled my pipe out.

Close? He was no friend but I suppose, yes. We were close at the end I suppose. In fact, you could say we 'danced.'

She nodded but did not respond immediately.

So, you were telling me the circumstances that brought you here today?

I crossed my own fine legs and lit my pipe. She raised an eyebrow but made no move to admonish me.

It's a tricky one. Yes, a tricky one. I guess you could say it is because I am somewhat of a psychopathic killer.

She nodded as if I had remarked on the weather.

Oh my, a killer? That's rather unusual.

I am glad to hear it. I wouldn't like to be considered... one of the herd.

I held her eyes with mine.

And have you... psychopathically killed lots of people, Boomy?

She asked, with a mild fluttering of her eyes.

Why yes, yes I have. More than I can count. It's become something of a habit!

I giggled a little madly.

She crossed her legs again. Like a pelican in a barbers chair.

I exhaled a big cloud of smoke.

May I ask a question now?

I asked, laying my pipe down in a convenient ashtray next to where I sat.

Please do.

Doctor Delphi almost purred.

Have you ever B'doinked a client, Doctor Delphi?

She stood and moved a few paced over to me. She was a fine filly indeed. I had an overwhelming urge to pull out the dog bone sponge and give her a good wetting.

Oh no, it wouldn't be ethical...

She began unbuttoning her blouse and moved even closer...

I stepped out into the bright light of day. My old friend Rory Spufnall was waiting for me, smoking on his massive Rhino-Bone pipe. He was a fine fellow despite having a face like fried chicken skin.

Ah, there he is. My old pumper Boomy!! What do you think of that then eh? What a bloody place!

I couldn't help but feel the tug of a smile.

It is everything you made it out to be and more old fellow. Why I feel quite invigorated. Like a great weight has been lifted, both above and below!!

Rory grinned like a labrador smelling something menstrual.

What sordid role-play did you come up with then? Go on, tell a chap! Did you get her to be a nurse? Or a sexy spanky Auntie?

I snorted and pulled out my own pipe.

Oh Rory, surely you should know?...