From yesterday:

I had bought and started using a CB Radio. Not only that, I’d started socialising in the CB Radio users’ circles.

Being brutally honest, I know I wasn’t popular, either at school or at home. I was a little gawky, geeky, skinny, opinionated ginger-haired kid and I could have a smart-mouth and an attitude. I know, right? What’s not to like?

Because people (boys) that were closer to my usual circles didn’t want to date me, the attention I got from the new circles came as a shock.

A bit of background here
I have recently discovered, from more than one source, that I was noticed at school, but because I was ‘quiet and a little shy’ (NOT my words) and was perceived as a bit of a ‘Goody-two-shoes’, (Bloody HELL did they get that wrong) lads decided not to approach me.

All those years believing some of the bullies I encountered on a daily basis, when they said, “You’re ugly and no one will want you.” (yeah, direct quote, right there) those years were wasted believing them.

Why are we so willing and able to believe that we’re worthless? What on earth is evolution playing at? (Although there’s a theory on that too… pimples and acne could be a safety-device, making younger humans less attractive for a while until they become stronger and more able to defend themselves, thereby ensuring they didn’t get killed off by older, jealous rivals – I think we’re talking Stone-Age here… but we could also be talking about the 60s…)

Back to my pre-historical ramblings then…

The people we encountered because of the CB Radio events gave me more attention that I was used to – more positive attention than I was used to.

My father used the CB Radio while I was at school and he sometimes set-up ‘eyeballs’ – smaller, one-to-one meets. One such ‘eyeball’ meet led to a couple of guys becoming regular visitors to our house.

Streetfighter and Scooby-doo in particular came by at least a couple of times a week.

Streetfighter was really good looking, and he certainly knew it. I was just 16, no real experience with boys yet, I just got the vibe that he was a ‘love-em-and-leave-em’ kinda guy. Or, as the boys in our year at school would say, ‘Finger-em-fuck-em-forget-em’. I know… such a charm-school I went to…

I ended up seeing more of Scooby-doo (don’t remember their names) than I did Streetfighter. He’d come round on his own and started staying later and later.

My parents worked late at the club and didn’t get home til 3am. I was the designated baby-sitter and because I didn’t have a life, I didn’t get baby-sitting money for it. Colour me shocked…

Scooby-doo finally asked me to go steady with him and because I thought that’s what we’d been doing already, I said ok.

In all honesty (and believe me, some of the things I’ve written about are painfully embarrassing) I was naïve and relieved that I’d got a boyfriend at last, despite what I had been led to believe about my attractiveness. We had different likes, Scooby-doo and I and that became ‘Smack-in-the-face' obvious one day.

I knew he liked Northern Soul music and as long as he didn’t play it in the car, I was ok with that. He didn’t like Rock music and I suppose I should have known it was never going anywhere.

One day, my friend, the younger sister and I were debating getting a new leather jacket. Of course, because I worked, I could finally save up and buy one! BUT, we knew (in our teenage-girl wisdom) that acquiring a leather jacket from a guy was even better!

This one?

Or this one?

Scooby-doo (still can’t remember his name and this looks ridiculous…) overheard us.

“I’ve got a leather jacket if you want it?” he said.

My friend and I shut up and looked at him. ‘if we want it?’ Seriously? Easily bribed, teens, OF COURSE we wanted that leather jacket!

He promised to bring it the next night.

We argued about who would have that jacket. A bit ridiculous really, she had her own boyfriend and this was my boyfriend… but it wasn’t nasty arguing, it was kinda fun and playful.

She came over the next evening for the decision on who was to get the prize.

We expected one style…

He turned up in something completely different to what we expected and hoped for.

How about no... nope, nu-uh!

I was crestfallen.

“So, who wants this, then?” he asked, giving a twirl, hands held up in a ‘come and get it girls’ pose.

It was burgundy for goodness sake!

Whereas two minutes before, we were arguing over who was going to get the leather jacket, once we realised we didn’t actually want what was offered, we were arguing about who was going to take it, from the opposite direction.

Rather than, “I’m having it,” and, “No, I’m having it!”

It went straight to, “You’re having it,” and, “No! You’re having it!”

I bet poor Scooby-doo went home thinking, “If it hadn’t have been for those pesky kids!”

Unfortunately for Scooby-doo, I wasn’t quite ready for a more serious relationship… and by ‘more serious’, I mean sexual. The groping over the t-shirt and stuff that went on was exciting and acceptable to that point, but in my head, I really wasn’t mature enough for anything more. I knew some of my friends were sleeping with their boyfriends – some of my YOUNGER friends were, too, but I wasn’t ready and despite my willingness to please and do almost anything to get a boyfriend, I wasn’t prepared to go that far and I stuck by my guns, thank goodness.

If the leather jacket debacle was the beginning of the end, then the next thing he did was the last nail in the coffin. It was all done, bar the shouting.

My CB Radio was up at the top of the stairs, sat on a cupboard. It was there so no visitors went into any bedrooms and that rule worked well.

Scooby-doo came over and was restless downstairs (I stopped going on the CB when he came over because he didn’t like me talking to other guys- I should have seen that warning-sign).

“Let’s go on the CB,” he said.

We went upstairs and before I could switch the CB on, he grabbed me and kissed me.

OK, no worries…

He pressed himself against me and (here comes the cringe part) he was ‘excited’ about something.

He was so hard that when he pressed his groin against mine, he hurt me and I did not like it.

I pushed him away and he went home earlier than usual.

I had a LOT to think about. That guy was certainly not the one for me and I had to figure out a way of telling him without hurting him too badly… (I can still be silly when it comes to people’s feelings. I would rather feel hurt and upset than hurt or upset a friend… doesn’t always work out well.)

To be continued…