A FANTASY: A JEWISH MAN'S -SATIRICAL- SEARCH FOR REDEMPTION PART ONE
Redemption:
... deliverance; rescue
... Theology: deliverance from sin; salvation
... atonement for guilt
- Dictionary.com
White candles glowed all over the house. Spiritual music poured out from the only free Jewish music satellite channel available. I sat at the computer trying to figure out a way to contact GOD. I have major concerns and She is the only one who can answer my questions. I searched all over the internet and got a lead. A Five Dollar donation to a web site, "Priests Without Purpose" discloses a direct telephone number to Heaven. Once my transaction was approved by Discover card, a new window appeared on the screen. There was a rectangular box that helps fight spam with a message that instructed me to enter the symbols, NiRVaNA. Next, a new window opened displaying a beach, ocean water, doves and dolphins. Then it appeared! Eureka! The phone number to GOD's office. I wasted no time in choosing to call God from my Virgin Mobile cell phone. It rang over 33 times, before an automated message announced:
"We are experiencing a higher than expected call volume. Either call back when things quiet down on your planet ... or wait for three chimes and leave a brief message. Jews have extra time to speak because they have trouble getting to the point. If this is an emergency, hang up now and contact the Angelic realm in charge of your dimension. To access a directory of angels currently on duty, press 8."
I paused to call my Spiritual adviser wanting to know which angel to choose. After my transaction was approved on my Discover card, Miss Cleo told me to choose Archangel Raphael, known as the head healing angel. "My friend," she added, "if anyone needs a healing it's you. To be so obsessed with meeting God for answers...well, it may not be like what you're thinking. Why must you know everything? " Before I could say that I'm trying to make sense out of this "upside down" world, her prison guard made her hang up the phone. What does she think that I'm thinking? Hmm, she's psychic and might know something. Or maybe she said that hoping to keep talking longer. For sure I really have to find out and see where this leads me. Hopefully to something umm, logical. Or is logic, like beauty, in the eyes of the beholder? I resumed the call and pressed "R" for Raphael, the Angel of Healing and Celebrity Gossip. His number is, 888-RAPHAEL. No need to dial "1" first as it was a cosmic connection.
A man answered, identifying himself as Archangel Michael, telling me that Raphael wasn't in at the moment. After a few seconds, Michael said that Raphael was busy. "So which is it, Michael, is he not there, or is he busy?" Michael hung up on me. Furious, I called right back and got Archangel Gabriel, who had a message for me. He diplomatically told me that they were playing poker before they go out to a heavenly lounge show. I asked Gabriel how they can all be so callous to me. Sarcastically he told me, "Hey, we're working over a million planets in the Milky Way simultaneously. That's a lot. We know some angels in the Pleiades, Arcturus, even in Sirius A who only have a wing's full of planets. And they get holidays off ... the people there are less troublesome than on Earth!" I demanded respect. "I need help and I need it now!" All I heard was, "Complain, compl..." and the call was dropped. Cosmic connections aren't all they're cracked up to be.
My next move is to speak to them in person ...
To Be Continued... PART TWO coming soon ...
***Dear Steemians ... This satirical series continues into each succeeding part. And best understood when reading from the beginning. It is satire and meant to entertain...and enlighten. Please share your comments and I'm always grateful for your support. Show me your interest as I intend to make this a very unique reading experience!***
Warm Regards,
multiverse