What was crazy to me was that on our floor all you had to do was walk through some double doors and you were in the adult section of the hospital. We were all so close to one another. Also, since I'm not 100% familiar with how all this works, I'm assuming when you say "Rapid" you mean a padded room? That's where everyone went when they had to be tranquilized. One girl, the one who called herself a stupid whore, snuck out of her room late at night, crawled on all fours to a boy's room so the nurses couldn't see her, and got in bed with one boy in particular and asked him to "fuck" her while taking her shirt off. Needless to say, she got tranquilized quite a bit, especially when that poor boy started screaming!

I've got pretty bad depression and have since I was six. My mom has bi polar disorder and like you she's not perfect now, but she is much better. She is thinking rationally. Which I can't say is true for the past. The next thing I'm going to say may or may not work for you, but I want to mention it in case it could bring you more relief. I'm not sure what state you're in or if it's legal, but my mom replaced her medication with marijuana and it has saved her life. She used to take upwards of 20 pills a day. She was hateful, slept through most of my childhood and could not think clearly. She recognized that all those pills were only causing harm and she completely stopped taking them. She was sick for a few weeks, but started smoking and has been so much healthier ever since. I'll stop talking your ear off now.