What Could I Have Done?
During the course of my unemployment, I found myself often asking myself a single question:
"What could I have done to prevent this?"
I'd think about all those points in my 10 year career at Telstra, or my three month contract after that, or my two months as a debt collector. All those moments where my paths fell before me, and I chose wrongly.
There were times where I could have stood up or sat down, done as I was asked or stood my ground, asked for something instead of staying quiet. Some moments feel like they were laid out before me, and others seem only clear in hindsight, but they were there, regardless.
And I'd ask myself what I could have done differently to prevent myself from losing my job or not being able to continue my contract into permanency. Constantly analysing my choices and replaying them again and again in my head.
But with my new job now making my life better in every way, the conversation in my head has shifted slightly. If I had have behaved better at Telstra, I might still be there, rotting away in a job I hated, under managers that caused and maintained my depression and anxiety.
If I'd not asked for Wednesdays off at my contract or insisted on taking a week off when I got the flu, I might have still been there until the day that they almost went under for dodgy business practices.
If I'd not reported my colleague at the debt collection company - the highest earner in the company - for looking at pornography at his desk, I might still be there, rotting away as a debt collector.
So while I previously asked myself 'What could I have done to prevent this?', the question that now plagues me is:
"What if I hadn't done something to prevent this?"
Do you believe all in the universe is preordained, and deterministic, or that its all just chaos piled upon chaos?
What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.
I have these thoughts all the time as well. I used to work in a job that paid me an insane amount of money but was rapidly sending me into a spiral towards a breakdown. I left and now make a pittance by comparison. There is rarely a day that I don’t miss having the ability to buy whatever I wanted when ever I wanted it. So I have to constantly remind myself that I am far healthier now than I was then. And if I hadn’t left, I’d probably be a complete wreck and useless to anyone.
You wouldn't be you.
I found the birth of my first child, Henry; put a lot of stuff in perspective.
I couldn't cuddle him and believe I'd made any mistakes prior to his conception.
Every decision, every whim, every accident that lead to his existence were all vindicated by it.
Picture of @mattclarke's toybox. Batteries not included.
Remember the kid from the toybox? This is him now.
Feel old yet?
He's grown up so much :)
Speaking of getting older and time lapses...
Check this bank note photo transition of a Queen Elizabeth!
My eldest is 17. How do you think I feel!! Lol!
Numbers were down without your tribe.
Still had ten though, lots of fun. Our noobs @wildflowerjessi and @amandaclarke felt very welcome :)
Good to hear it! Hope Stefan's feeling better soon.
Sounds like the new job and change of scenery is a breath of fresh air :) #onwardandupward
I'm proud of how you've managed with the stresses you've been through and thank you for re-posing the question at the end. I have to remind myself of it frequently.
(I haven't really made any friends at my new job but I have to remind myself, none of my friends work at my old place of employment anymore either, so I'd have been getting paid less with still no friends.)
Stay awesome, and we should totally catch up.
We shall be catching up - this Friday, in fact - to eat meats!
Haha! You could go through life wondering these things, couldn't you?! It's sometimes easier to chalk it down to experience. So many people have said that losing a bad job ended up being for the best in the end.
Debt collection sounds awful!
Life can have some very interesting ups and downs. I made some major league mistakes in my past, and some of them have flow on costs. Others, however, have had minimal effects.
Sometimes the greatest thing you can do for your life, is to put your own needs first. I lost a job for doing my job. I am currently unemployed and there are a million things that I could have done to make employing me easier, but on the other side of things I learned the true nature of people who work in job centres (and it's appalling).
Clearly, you wouldn't have had this job if you were still employed elsewhere. I read a book once that basically said the most successful people in life are the ones who have a zero threshold for bullshit.
I've seen it happen where a woman came into where I was working and with 2 hours she had decided to quit (because she was being spoken down to and disrespected). To some, it would appear immature, but to me I saw it as someone who knows what she wanted and decided very quickly that she'd rather be unemployed than work in a hostile environment.