Nobody's fault but mine.....

A regular boring Monday at work turned into what would be the most difficult evening of the rest of my life.

Working hard or hardly working? A regular day at the office consists of writing important insurance policy's and serving the hard working, very nice people whom I call my customers. My slacks abruptly vibrating, I wonder who is calling me mid-afternoon while I am in the clutches of my fathers jail cell, also known as the office. Suave! A good friend named James (Suave) who lives in one of the five famous boroughs of New York is on the call but, its a fresh bright Monday afternoon, what could he want? "Libz lets go to Miller's Ale House and watch the Panther game" Hm I start to ponder if this day at work is really worth it considering its 80 degrees and sunny. Sorry Dad, I have something important to do!!

Like a cobra I slither out of the office and crack open the door of my shifty 95' Nissan 240sx. Sparks fly like the fourth of July as my tires spin out of the parking lot. Clutch down, RPM's high until that 3rd pedal is meanly dropped to the floor. Sideways into traffic like something out of Fast and the furious the Nissan starts its journey home. Suave is meeting at my house to carpool to Millers, sounds like a great day to me. The windows are down, fresh air blowing into the car and the deafening bass of the subwoofer is bouncing as the 30 minute drive is completed. Last exit to take, patiently waiting for the gate to open and there is home!

Swifty jetting into my room I toss my business attire around my room like a twister. Cool grey Jordan's, my favorite jeans and sweatshirt for the night. A knock at the door rings throughout my basement. SUAVE! I rip open the door to my good buddy standing there with a friendly smirk on his face. The aroma of cannabis starts to fill the room. Finally, my stomach is settled and feeling better. Lets go! We walk through my house to the garage where I get a glimpse of my gorgeous 2010 Mitsubishi Evolution X. Fu** this I exclaim quite boldly, we are taking the race car! The garage opens as I stare out to my driveway fence I start the beast. Barley maintaining a pulse the Evo screams in intervals. "Wop wop wop wop" the cam shafts roar. 5 long minutes of letting the oil and engine warm up pass and its go time, we are on our way to Millers.

Now I love cars so bear with me here. Sunken meadow parkway is such a lone, long gorgeous parkway filled wit pretentious mugs who like to believe they are gods gift. Not two minutes into the drive and we see one of these mugs. A brand new 2013 Nissan GTR is next to me and looking mean. Our cars growling side by side starts a chain reaction of horn sounds. Beep beep Be- WAAAAA! The games have begun! 3rd gear, 4th ge-- wait. Where's the GTR? Cooly looking into the rearview mirror I come to the realization that I passed it decades ago. Lets try that again. Beep Beep Beep! Mashing the gas pedal and throwing my shift knob; the GTR is no match for my Evo. My ego builds slightly knowing that somebody paid $110,000 for a car that I just molested. Take it easy and get off the parkway exclaims Suave. We pull up and hard park far away from the brand new Millers and let my car take a breather. Gasping for air after 2 minutes, I crank the ignition off. Let's watch the Panthers game!! Wait a second.... I hate football!!!

Screen on full brightness staring into the endless abyss named an iPhone I call endless amounts of friends to enjoy this game and time with Suave and I. A few ice cold pitchers later the staff informs my table of friends that we are cut off due simply to the amount of time we stayed there! What a crock! The game ends and our energy has yet to die down. Pumped up from life, or maybe something else we all decide lets go back to town and hit the bar.

Now its Suave, Luke, Gorsk and I all walking toward our vehicles. Wop wop wop, let the Evo warm up. Its currently dark and it has went from sunlight to moonlight glistening onto my perfectly waxed car. Calmly yet loudly drive to Celtic where we rendezvous. Dead. One person in the whole bar but I know Dan the bartender is a good guy so lets buy a round and leave him a nice tip. The one drunk man in the bar starts conversation with me. I push the story towards insurance, give him my card and go have a smoke to get out of there. Woof, glad to get out of that situation. "Let's go back to your house Libz" Gorsk pleaded. Feeling good I say yeah! lets go! Suave pulls on my passenger side door handle when suddenly the wind shifts directions. The night somehow got colder quickly and I realize its starting to feel like Autumn. With a pit in his stomach and a key in his nose Gorsk says "Suave come do a bump with me" Suave nonchalantly lets go of my handle and goes in Gorsks car. For the first time ever, doing drugs saved a life.

4 People and 2 cars but for some reason or another nobody is by my side and the brisk wind of the night fires me up to no mans land. 1st gear, 2nd gear, 3rd gear, rowing! The sound of the beast is destroying the silent night as the decibel's climb through the air. Both myself and the beast screaming and breathing deeply; I am ecstatic. Fun slider set to maximum, I'm almost home. The speedometer reads 130MPH when a dip in the road creates a hard down force and wha-- my CAR! Please let my car be okay!

Dark. Pitch black. Motor with a turbo still attached 50 yards from a rather large piece of scrap metal. Tree bark and plastic all over the road. Where am I? Who's calling my name? Am I "Libz"? Do a push-up and get off the. Why am I in the middle of the road? Why can't I get up off the ground? I feel no pain though, I must be ok! Its nobodys fault but mine. "YO GET ME THE FU** OUT OF HERE" i howl to the midnight stars. Suave traces the sound of my voice and happily runs to my rescue. Next he wraps his sweater around my bloody cranium and begs me to just lay down and stay still, I am out of commission. At least I'm conscious though, right? Wrong. Dark. Pitch black. I spoke too soon. Where am I? DeChara? EMS? "Am I going to be okay" I say as I watch tears of sadness run down a friendly face. A helicopter? What in gods name is going on? Dark. Pitch black.....

Like something out a soap opera on your local TV channel a familiar beep is endlessly reoccurring. Fu** I can't speak. I can't move. Whats going on? What have I done? Tears are dripping down everyone I knows beat up red puffy faces. Its nobodys fault but mine. I am given a dry erase board and a marker like I am in 1st grade all over again. I write. "m I RetaRd?" No shakes the head of a kind lady whom is standing beside me. "Will I be able to talk?" Yes nods the same kind nurse. "I am a strong kid I will get through this and become a better person" I confidently write. ICU is cold I'm feeling... Dark. Pitch black.

Days and nights mash together. Im loopy. I don't know left from right. My wrists and hands are tied up and bound. There is a tube down my throat. I can't remember anything. I let out endless amounts of tears. Still I am confused and unknowing of my where abouts. Nurses keep asking "Do you know where you are?" The word "Hotel" keeps coming to mind but I know that can't be where I am. Boredom and confusion is consistent and I feel as if I've lost touch with all reality. At this point I am in purgatory.

Lungs collapsed, spleen lacerated and a T6 spinal cord fracture. Its nobody fault but mine. I've fully lost feeling and movement from my chest down but today I write this story alive and well. Things are definitely a rollercoaster of emotions but I am learning to deal with it day by day. Im almost 3 years into this struggle and I am confident that I am going to beat this and prove to myself and the world that it is possible. I get knocked down but I will get up again, all in due time. Love strong.

TL:DR/ I ditched work and went out with a few buddies. My car was 702WHP and I was excited to have it back in my clutches. I responsibly had a few drinks and went out with my "race car". I ended up snapping my wheel studs from a malfunctioned car modification and crashing into a tree leaving me paralyzed for what seems to be an eternity. The saying "life can change in the blink of an eye" was always such a farfetched idea to me but now I realize it is the most true and enlightening saying in existence. Life comes at everyone differently, please take fun and games to a track and drive slow