Things I've Learned. A guide by Serena. And also, are you using the palnet tag yet? I'll give you a PAL token if you don't have one yet.

Hello, Imaginary Person who needs my help.

I've come to offer some life tips for you. Things I've learned in my many years of living on this planet, that maybe you might want to know. And maybe just some random facts about me that you didn't yet know, and maybe I feel that you should.. You, Person of Mystery. Have a seat. If you're only here to get a free palcoin from me you can skip to the bottom. Everything from here to there will probably bore the crap right out of ya.

If you were not sitting already a second ago, I hope you are sitting now. Maybe you want to grab a drink? I will wait. You can bring me a coffee.. solid black and midnight mean, if you want. I will drink it.

Are you back? Did you go get a drink?

If you did not go get a drink, why not? Do you already have one with you? Would you not like to have a drink? Maybe you're at a doctor's office and can't just get up and ask for a beer. I get it. Let's just move on.

Sidenote.. I am already drinking coffee, in case you worried that I didn't have anything to drink. I'm okay.

Now.. let me find a picture for the blog cover. In case you are a blogger who hasn't yet realized it, COVER PICTURES ARE IMPORTANT. Unless you really just have no desire to reach an audience, which is totally fine. I've made plenty of posts without pictures where I'm just talking to myself. But sometimes it's nice to lure people into my lair, even if they do just quickly run back outside. So, pictures. If it's a picture that looks like you haven't grabbed it from some random internet site, it is received better. Pick one of your own pictures if you can. I dig that kinda thing. Be personal. Show me your insides. Okay, I guess I sound creepy now.

So.. here's a picture of me when I was in 4th grade. Maybe 3rd grade. I'm not sure. It was the same years I also played basketball on the school team. We were the Bobcats. (I sucked, btw. I also hurt my knee and it STILL hurts sometimes. )

But anyway.. I like this picture for several reasons.

1. The dress I'm wearing

My grandma made it. The picture is an old scan and doesn't show the detail well, but it had red ribbons sewn around it. They were shiny and beautiful and elegant. It also had white lace as well, next to the red ribbons. I wore that dress as often as I could wear it because I loved it so much. Looking back on all the dresses I ever had, I think that one was my favorite.

2. Recital memories

In the picture I'm practicing my bow for a piano recital I had that day in a nearby church. I loved doing recitals even though I did not like piano lessons. Actually, it was not that I didn't like piano recitals, it was just that I didn't like missing recess because of them. Know what's strange? I can still remember how my piano teacher's breath smelled. It wasn't bad, it always smelled like bubble gum. Also, she always smelled like hand lotion. Weird that I remember that so vividly and yet I can't even remember how to jump start a car.

3. The landscape painting

My mom painted that picture of a beautiful sunset above a little meadow. She painted quite a few landscapes back in those days. She painted as a hobby. I loved watching her create paintings. She mostly did it in private, though.

4. The piano

That piano is in my house now. My parents bought it just so me and my sister could learn how to play it. We both took lessons and both quit them after 2 years, but I kept with it, playing by ear, mostly. I am not one who finds much interest in following sheet music, although I admire those who do. But, yeah. That piano is very dear to me. It is symbolic of a dream and a wish for 2 daughters. I love that piano. It is VERY badly out of tune right now. Can't afford to have it tuned and I don't dare try to do that myself.

That's all for the picture. Now, for my life lessons. Here are some things I've gathered into my little Bag of Knowledge. I can't give away ALL of my secrets. But maybe let's shoot for 10 things. If you didn't get your drink yet, now is a good time.

^{{EDIT: I didn't make it to 10 things. Just 4. Big shocker, right? MMmkay. Also, farther down the page there is a youtube video.. you can click it and listen to the dreamy song that will fill your ears.. it's not a video video, just a picture and a song.. so you won't miss anything important by reading while you listen)}

.

Life of Serena.

(stuff I've learned)

1. Deer and Trains (fact)

If you find that you're sitting on the train tracks in the middle of a forest and a random deer walks up to you, then your name might be Wil Wheaton and you might be the star of one of the greatest movies of ALL TIME.

2. Spiders in the bathtub (life tip)

So.. you've found a spider in the bathtub. Or the kitchen sink. Or the bathroom sink... It's on the curvy bottom part that makes it really difficult to catch with a jar and a piece of cardboard. and you don't want to be a jerk and wash it down the drain (that's murder) but you also don't want to reach in and pick it up with your bare hands (because wow.)

(If you pick spiders up to rescue them with your bare hands, please know that you are am amazing badass and I want to have dinner with you sometime... if I'm not actually afraid of you because you're some kinda lunatic badass who picks spiders up with your bare hands.)

Anyyyway.. the answer to this problem is a towel. Just hang it over the edge of the tub, or the sink, in such a way that the spider can crawl onto it. From here you can do one of 2 things.. you can get a jar and cardboard and finally be able to easily catch it and put it outside.... OR - you can leave the room and allow the spider to perform its own rescue on its own time. You should only use this option if you're cool with the fact that the spider will still be roaming around in your home somewhere.

I don't care if spiders roam around my home, but usually I like to get them out of it before someone else might find it and kill it, either by accidentally doing so while trying to rescue it (bless my daughter's heart) .. or washing it down the drain in the morning because, eff it all, it's time for my husband's shower... damn anything that gets in his way.

(Music break..)

This song is amazing. It's another song by The Saxophones. I like it even better than the one I shared 2 days ago. You can play it right now as you continue reading my list. Background music for blog reading is a cool thing people tend to do and I rather enjoy it. So... here. I mean ..HEAR.

okay, back to the list..

3. Let the baby lie. (parent life tip)

If you are a new parent, I want to warn you of something that I struggled with for the first several years. I STILL struggle with it and my daughter is 13. Perhaps you are walking past your little one's room when you notice something...

Ohhhh nooooo.. the blanket fell in the floor
Ohhhhh noooo.. his head is in a weird position
Ohhhh nooo... I forgot to kiss her goodnight
Ohhhh noooo... what if he's cold? Maybe another blanket...

Don't do it! IF they are alseep, that is GOOD. It means they are comfortable enough to be sleeping and therefore NOTHING IS WRONG. One wrong move and you'll wake your precious dear. And then he/she could stay awake for hours.. maybe they'll want a snack. Maybe they'll hate you for waking them.

They'll CRY. DANG IT! Whatever the reason.. your own sleep is now DOOMED forever. Just chill out to begin with and move on.

4. Looking at the moon is and underrated activity

^{©paintingangels}

Know what kills me? I will be out somewhere.. could be anywhere..the grocery store, library, my own back yard.. a ball game (if I went to ball games).. and WHOA.. the moon is rising. Or it's already out and it's glorious. It's one of the supermoons.. it's SO BRIGHT. It's GORGEOUS. And GUESS WHAT?

NO ONE IS LOOKING. WHAT? WHAT!

Why do you not notice the moon? Do you care not about our nearby celestial space marvel? She deserves your attention!

When I take a moment to look at the moon, really look at it... I somehow seem to fade away. I might as well be out of my body because my thoughts begin to float away. I feel simultaneously small and magnificent. Sometimes it's so beautiful I find myself gasping at first glance. But I notice sometimes, that this doesn't happen to everyone.

Sometimes I SEE people look at it for a second because maybe they're trying to see what I'm looking at, but then they carry on with their lives as if they were simply looking at a cardboard box.

And so, if I could ever give anyone any advice at all, and it could only be ONE thing... I would say to them, as I am saying to you.. LOOK AT THE MOON. Surrender your body to the moment. Take a deep breath and inhale it. Inhale the moon. It can be done. I have done it. It's tremendously pleasurable.

And now that I've listed the moon, I can't finish this list. I have run out of things to teach you. The moon says it all. Maybe I'll try again later. Knowing me, I probably won't.

Have a great day. And, Oooh..sidenote.. there IS one more thing I can teach you..

Are you using the palnet tag yet?

What's that? You say?

http://www.palnet.io is a new cool thing. Check it out. I would explain it but it's easier if you just go there and let it explain itself. (Or you can read @juliakponsford's informative palpost:

PALNET: The dazed and confused user guide

If you use the #palnet tag, you will earn pal coins. It is just that easy. It's cool to have a palcoin. Maybe you already have some.. they did an air drop of free tokens for some people... active bloggers, random nifty souls.. etc.. Anyway, you can claim them through http://steem-engine.com. I heard a little bird say that they won't be there for you to claim forever. They will eventually expire. So, you better skeedaddle on over there.

And if you find that you didn't get any coins, guess what?

I can send you one.

That's right. I am just that cool. I have 10 right now. I actually have 20 but I'm about to stake 10 of them so I can give higher upvotes. It makes me happy when I can give away a good upvote. With STEEM upvotes, my 100 percent clickity click is worth TWO CENTS. I mean.. dang. Dang it, Steemit. (That should be a t-shirt.) But, it is what it is.

But, back to my gift.. ONE coin is better than none coins, yes? Just let me know that you're in need. Holler at me in the comments section. But if I see you're trying to cheat me out of a coin.... well, hmmm... I will .. actually, whatthefrickever.. I don't really care if you get a coin for free by being sneaky with me. But that guilt is on you.

You will simply have to deal with the Palnet gods and their damning of your bicycle or your shoes. Maybe they'll steal your shoes. You don't know. It could happen. Maybe it might be me who steals your shoes. Maybe I'll steel a bicycle wheel. I can be sneaky too.

FUN FACT

I once unscrewed all 4 tire valve caps off of this one slut's car because she screwed over a best friend of mine. He was crying.. and that broke my heart. And.. so... 4 flat tires, beeyotch! Slowly.. she didn't get a flat till a whole week later. Sneak attack! Don't mess with my friends. I will doom you.

Finally, if you have created a post with the palnet tag, please do leave it in the comments here as well.. if I like it I'll give it my clickity click.. and then you could earn like.. maybe .14 PAL. Probably less, because my VP is often exhausted a bit.

They didn't put me up to saying any of this stuff, by the way. I am just a lowly fangirl. A speck of dust on the welcome mat of life. Step on me, and I will be your pancake.

(I know I'm weird.)

Have a great day.

Love always,

Serena

@Helpie

One last thing..Did you know? I belong to a nifty little family called @helpie. And you should check us out. Because we like that. If you're not yet a member, maybe you would like to be? We have a discord server where we hang out and have audio chat meetings and give imaginary cookies and HLPE tokens to each other. We try to help the STEEM community as much as we can, via tips and tricks for improving your blog, marriage advice, dropping the names of gambling warlords and your local whorehouse hotspots and such.

I KID about the last part. I just wanted to make this interesting if you're actually reading it. Probably no one is, so I can likely just say any old damn thing I want right here and nobody will be the wiser.

Helpie is partly filled with smartasses and jokesters like me, too. But I'm the very biggest idiot in the server, except for a couple of names I could drop right here but won't.... and so you don't have to worry about other people making tasteless jokes like the ones I just made. (I never lie)

We also do the witness thing. If you want to cast an unused witness vote, that would be super polite of you. We'll do our best to make you proud.

OHMIGHERSH THIS POST IS SO LONG!
Sorry bout that! Bye now! Jim survived till the end! ♥

(Did YOU? Are you still here?)