Papa Rodin Ponders - I ended up becoming a beggar. How did that happen?!

in #life6 years ago (edited)

Greetings, Steemians and Steemettes!

Hope all of you had a great weekend and an even greater start into the week. I have one hell of an story to tell for you today.

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Oh, my, it's good to be back!

The weekend ended up being one of the most stressful and frustrating days I have had in quite a while. And the worst part of it is that they have also been the least productive. Hell, I can't even say that not being productive has been productively used by performing unproductive yet interesting tasks like getting too much sleep or spending time with friends doing useless staff!

But that isn't even the topic of the day

What actually is the topic of today directly ties in to two story strings.

  1. Me having gotten a new job five weeks ago.
  2. The things that happened last friday. Read about them here if you missed them.

To summarize quickliy, I started to work in a new job two cities away from here five weeks ago. Work has been fun and people have been good so far. Between me and the company I am working at, there is a personal service company which takes care about pretty much everything financial.

When I started working at the place, I purchased myself a ticket, one that I assumed would be good for one month but ended up only being active during the month it was active, namely June. This led to me being notified on Friday (the 13.) that I was actually fare dodging and that I have to pay a penalty of 60.00€.

Now to the story!

Because of the events described above, I ended up not having a ticket for this week, which I was planning on having. My bank account was pretty much empty because I have been waiting for quite a while for my first wage being paid. I knew that the day of payment was supposed to be the 15. of the month. Because that ended up being on a sunday this week, payment was postponed for a day.

Which I was okay with for the moment. I had food in my fridge, ticket in my pocket, wasn't expecting any sudden expences and money was supposed to come today. Everything seemed to go according to plan.

Until Friday the 13. happened.

Just listen to me! Saying that I "have been cought" like I was actually did something wrong! This stupid is getting into my head and I can't stand it!

Simply outrageous.

Because of the events of that day, I ended up leaving my house extra early. My plan was to go to the service center of the local public transport group that got me into this mess. While the man there ended up being super friendly, he wasn't able to do anything for me because me having been cought hasn't been updated into their system yet. Waking up early proved to be a great waste of time.

I have to go there tomorrow again, hoping that I can make some kind of deal because I really do not want to pay those 60.00€.

But back to today. So I left the center with a bitter taste in my mouth. Still, it was monday morning and I wanted to go to work. Thus, I went to the train station. Not owning a valid ticket anymore, I have to get a new one. Instead of getting the next big surprise from another ticket that wasn't worth a months worth of money even though you have to pay in full, I decided to get a single use ticket for the moment.

But I ended up not having enough money on my bank account!

Now we are getting to the good part.

My brain started to move quickly. I had no ticket and clearly, my wage hasn't been transferred yet. The money I had left on my bank account before my payment finally came wasn't enough for purchasing a ticket. Checking my wallet, I noticed that I had a whooping 3.90€ on me. I needed 2.00€ more in order to make it to work.

Should I just call in sick for work?

That was no option. I hate having to lie about these kind of things, so I never do. And neither should you, it will only cause you problems and ends up not being worth your time and effort.

Should I just actually fare dodge?

I considered this for a moment longer and decided against this as well. Actually purposely fare dodging seemed a stupid idea after having been cought for accidentally doing it. On top of that, I just dislike cheating the system unless it's fun, productive and doesn't end up causing anyone trouble. Which it would, myself being left aside.

Should I call the personal service company?

This is the option that I actually went for. No matter what course of action I would eventually take, chances are that I would end up getting too late to work, assuming that I would make it there in the first place, so informing them seemed to be the right call.

Needless to say, this did not ended up going well. In retrospect, I regret having made this call at this point because it basically meant admitting that I wasn't seeing another solution even though I eventually did. Not doing myself credit here.

Basically, they told me about a service I could use that wasn't available for me because I had no access to the internet from where I was at at that point of time. They also were so nice and told me that it really was my responsibility that I figure out how I can get to work regularly and punctual. While not wrong, this was neither helpful nor uplifting, so let us leave it at that.

Should I check if anyone I know is close by and can help me?

I made some calls and wrote some messages to people I knew were either living or working close by. And I did not reach anyone. Most of them were either on their way to their respective working places, having vacation or were otherwise not available. I started to run out of options!

So what did I actually end up doing?

Well, I guess the title gave it away.

I begged passerby's for money.

I want you all to sit down comfortably and let the irony sink in here for a moment. Imagine having to beg complete strangers for money so that you can get to the working place where you can earn money. Aside from this being one of the most shameful and embarrassing moments of my life, it was also awfully hilarious to the point where it made me laugh.

It's quite ridiculous, isn't it? Imagine me, a young black male, walking through a train station, asking strangers for money because I needed to get to work.

What would you think? How would you react?

If I were to confront myself like that, I would probably assume all sorts of things except that what I was saying is actually true. Yet here I was, being stuck in this ridiculous situation.

How did it go?

Fortunally, there actually was someone who ended up helping me out. A big blonde hero wearing sunglasses in the morning gave me the 2.00€ that I needed in order to get to work. This wasn't the last hurdle I had to pass though. When I wanted to purchase the ticket, I found out that some of my change was too small for the machine to accept. So I had to ask strangers again, this time not begging them but asking for a change of my change instead. Less humiliating, but still far away from feeling good.

Against all these odds, I actually still ended up being at work just in time!

I did not expect that, yet it happened.

Eventually, I ended up actually being able to purchase the ticket. Checked the clock and I saw that the train I needed to take in order for me to get to work wouldn't take all that long either.

It probably wouldn't have been, but it would have felt like that for me. Asking for help is one of the hardest thing to ask of a man who considers himself to be somewhat independent.

Sitting in the train had me musing about the events that have happened to me this morning and how my life would continue on from there on out. Dread overcame me when I considered the idea that my monthly wage would not find it's way to my bank account over the course of today. I would have to ask working colleagues I have just known for a couple days and weeks for money, which would be just as bad, if not worse than asking strangers.

Luckily, my money actually ended up finding it's way to my account, so I was able to get home not as a beggar nor a fare dodger, so there is that. And here is me hoping that after tomorrow, these troubles will take an end for a while.

To be continued?

I will be completely honest with you here: This entire story line has been remarkably taxing on me. Work, no matter how pleasant it can be or how much I like the people I am working with, is stressful enough and takes away a huge chunk of my time on a daily basis for a job that I can do and enjoy but isn't what I want to end up doing for the rest of all times.

Now I have even more stress that I consider to be work related on top of the already pleasant work related stress. Paired with me hitting this personal low point of actually having to resort to begging for money really got me thinking how my life should continue from here on out.

In a way, this whole experience actually did exactly that. While being exhausted, frustrated and stressed out, I actually do feel like these events ended up shaping me for the better.

At least I hope they did. That way, there would be some positive about it all.

I had thoughts like this before at certain points of my life, but they feel reinforced now. I have to find ways of making my life being livable as independent from these frustratingly useless stress factors in my life. I have to become the sole architect of my life and well being and whatever sources of stress I find myself exposed to shall be positive sources of stress that end up furthering my growth.

So that is the story of how I ended up becoming a beggar. One that I hope will never get any kind of prequel or sequel or remaster. It was a very short experience, but it wasn't short enough for my taste and I hope that I will never have to go through it again. Rarely have I felt this uncomfortable in my life.

Read more of Papa Rodin!

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